l-o-v-e is a four letter word.

dear diary,

i met a beautiful, incredible, wondermazing boy. his name is delocated. he stays up really late on sundays and always makes me laugh. he's brilliant. he is sophisticated enough for nat shermans but down to earth enough for cheap beer in a dirty bar. we hang out every weekend and one of these days i am going to let him touch me in my warm places. seriously, diary. i think i will marry him. when he's not in my life, things are all wrong. and i break out tons. i think it's from the stress of not having him. but when he's back, it's like the world is perfect again, diary. perfect. he's it for me.

i love you so much diary don't ever tell my secrets!

me

wondermazingment

(img via the sartorialist)

holy hot hell on a sidewalk in the middle of july in an arizona desert somebody get me those shoes. i think the toes are carved into the shapes of hearts? sweetjesus on high, toss me the respirator because it just got TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL up in here. i am betting those shoes have a chunky heel, which is perfecto, and the fact that they have an ankle strap makes me want to put on lacy white tights, a watermelon colored minidress, and dance in the moonlight a la king harvest on a crazy margarita bender. put it together. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

also that skirt is high-fiving god with its epic awesomosity but really guys, really, i NEED THOSE SHOES. you know how t.i. wants your body? you know how he needs your body? you know as long as you got him you won't need nobody?

well that's how i feel about those shoes. all of that. and more. someone can go ahead and box them up for me, size 10, and fed-ex them right over to my lair aka my HQ. we serve cookies here. 24/7. they taste like angels' wings fluttering on your tastebuds. it all makes sense.

thanks in advance and i love you all like the sisters that weren't super bitchy to me in middle school.

E

"are you already drunk? wait, were you drunk when you got here?"

soooo i got tagged by sarah to do this survey and so i guess i will now. i've never been good with introductions which is probably why 90% of LA has deemed me un-dateable. i will say though that it's nice to get back in the groove of talking to you guys. so what do we do now? hug? campfire stories? french braid each other's hair and chew gum? buy zimas and pretend it's 1999 again? i'm confused. whatevskis. oh also, i don't tag anyone else because i don't know anyone who would actually do this thing that hasn't already so i guess you guys can just read it and pray to your deity of choice that you don't live inside this mind o' mine.

What is your current obsession? food!
What are you wearing right now? burgundy leggings and my ex's van's hoodie
Who was the last person you hugged? my cool new friend sydney jane! she is bombawesome and she gave me a gift card to trader joes!
If you were a tree, what tree would you be? weeping willow. have you ever sat under one of those things? shade and coolness for DAYS.
What’s for dinner? pasta. again.
What was the last thing you bought? antibiotics
What are you listening to right now? "i don't wanna die" by the unicorns
What is your favourite weather? ummmm...the kind that is warm enough for shorts but cold enough for tights. make sense?
What’s on your beside table? my bedside is a stack of magazines. so there is an alarm clock, two pill bottles, and an empty soda can on my bedside stack of magazines.
Say something to the person/s who tagged you. sarah, you are amazing. v, we need to hang out soon! LA is severely missing our presence!
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? italy.
Where are you typing from right now? my living room.
A book you're currently reading? to be someone by louise voss. sarah lent it to me.
What would you like to have in your hands right now? a lot of fucking money. and maybe chocolate. but somewhere cold. i don't really want it melting in my hands. who made these questions?
What is your favourite tea flavour? lemon
What did you eat for breakfast? a homemade chocolate chip waffle and three slices of pizza
What did you want to become as a child? private eye. i watched a lot of cop/detective shows when i was younger.
What is your fantasy? to own a cherry red keytar with a zebra print strap. oh yessss.

am i done? is that it? i can leave and you'll call me if you're interested? alright. bye.

E

cookies on dowels, mole men, and camp as far as the eye can see

i am thisclose to just shutting this shit down and turning do it at the disco into WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU GUYS ADULT SWIM?! similar to my whyladygagawhy website. i enjoy common themes. have you checked out my art?

anywayssss i just want to talk things out. let's look at the current shows. alright family guy (cool, down with that), robot chicken (it's starting to brown at the edges but it still remains consistent, i will give it that), tim and eric: awesome show great job (NEVER EVER EVER GO AWAY. tim and eric are my spirit animals. seriously. the yin to my batshit yang), venture bros (i can deal with this show. i used to watch it back in the day when i could follow the storyline and things were looking UP!), and aqua teen hunger force (this show has been repeatedly making my nights hilarious and awesome since like 2005). so we've established that these things in the lineup are GOOD. smiley faces all over them. if this were a test paper, i'd be making it rain A pluses EVERYWHERE.

and let us not forget our fallen heroes! frisky dingo (the production company 70/30 closed it's doors early this year so no new frisky or sealab 2021 EVERS AGAINS! for anybody!), harvey birdman (i am soooo fucking serious when i say me and this show were destined to be together forever. like nobody's business i loved harvey birdman), and the oblongs (OG goodness for your SOUL), AND 12 oz mouse (seriously that chill mouse and that big eye made my 5ams time and time and time again). old shows, miss you like my childhood...


BUTTTT what is going on with these new shows? xavier: renegade angel? superjail? i hate to put the kibosh on your smiling sunshiney faces but i'm going to have to ask you to slip these into some padded manila envelopes and return to sender. someone told me these shows are for acid heads. that's a pretty sweet suggestion, but until someone can ship me some LSD i'm gonna need you guys to put these away. far away. into a lockbox maybe? lose the key.

and in the spirit of new shows, i wanna thank you guys for look around you. it's awesome. 100 percent grade A CAMP. i have a soft spot in my hearts for the late 70s/early 80s. you punched me right in my loving aortas with that show. (in that vein, can we maybe rethink putting saul of the mole men back on the air? the CAMP in that show fills my sweet spot everytime) i also want to props you up for delocated. the writing on that show is IMPECCABLE you guys. seriously. i want to give you all handjobs for it. i'm sorry, i meant to say, shake your hands. WITH MY MOUTH. whatever, i love that show. don't ever let it die like my pet fish in 7th grade. goldie hawn, noooo...

so whatevskis adult swim. basically i like what you're doing for the most part. but don't start slacking on your quality! you guys have been the reason i stay up till 1am when i have a 6am class for as long as i can remember. and choose to remember. i rep atl just for you guys. stay ill. holler at me when you want a witty contributor to contribute to, um, whatever witty people contribute to. you can pay me under the table, in single bills, action figures, and headshots of brendon smalls. our love is like that tarzan disney movie. you'll be in my heart, phil collins style. or maybe tom collins style. i haven't decided how many references i want to make in this post. i'll probably come out around however many make me sound knowledgeable, but not douchey. this is the internet, and i must never be douchey.

E

"the adorability level goes from mellow to insane in 60 seconds"

hey what's up? how you been? how you gonna be? good on all accounts. nice.

the internet is a magical and wondrous place that lets you do amazing things like buy quail eggs and email the pope and sometimes it lets you do awesome things like stalk adorable dudes and sit at home making shrines to them and shout at the screen how much you want to have their babies and cook them grilled cheeses.

and SOMETIMES it lets you find out that people are preggersface. like jewels. because i am like the olsen twins detective agency of the interwebs (wonder twins, activate) , i had to do deep digging into this amazing revelation.

basically she is pregnant and her baby will be awesome. like MIA's baby, but from new york, so more legit. congrats, jewels! on your baby and your new boobs and months of people giving up their seat on the subway!

sooooo...around here things are just bro as shit, minus the bros. i've been partying and hanging around in chinatown (not really but it rhymes) and totally neglecting that big thing in my life called COLLEGE so i guess i should get back to that. in the immortal words of christine, the old missbehave intern, "it's not a good look."

oh also you can apply to be my bro, if you want. i've been looking to incorporate some new blood/fresh meat into my posse. i'm totally legit and i rock hard and roll hard and do epic shit on a daily basis and my favorite restaurant is mcdonalds.

AND DID I TELL YOU MY FRIEND GOT A SKATEBOARD? yeah she totally did. i'm gonna make her teach me how to ride the concrete wave in exchange for marking her present every day she's absent in our music in film class.

dope. bomb. sweet. check you guys on the sunny side.

E

It Is So On, You Guys

What the fuck is up everybody? I haven't been here in yerrrrs. So this is gonna sound totally infomercial-licious but I wanna talk to you guys about something pretty bitching. So the amazing all around mega woman Meghan and her co-pilots on EpicLady Air are walking in the Breast Cancer 3-Day! I know you guys are stoked on this. Contain your squeals of delight. This ain't Christmas.

But it can be just like it! Their team, Cancer Schmancer (seriously? what deity gave them the ability to come up this brilliance?!) is trying to raise money and THEY NEED YOU! Por serio, any and every bit helps! And this money is totally legit. You're not giving this to someone in Cote D'Ivore who needs to you to transfer 50,000.00 into a domestic bank account and all that blahblahblah. You're giving hard earned money to hard working ladies! I did! Feels good!

So get the fuck on it! You can give money here. Sorry, that's a typo. That sentence should read, You give money here.

Woohoo no cankles no sprains no pain just gain!

E

I Got 911 On Speed Dial 'Cause I'm Killing It On A Daily Basis

(picture blatantly stolen from savagesunshine. all use of sarah morrison is uncopyrighted and in the hopes she won't kill me for using this picture)

Lalala life is good. It could be worse. It isn't great. But it's good and that makes me happy. Tralala! Yesterday was my last day of therapy. It was awesome. It's like, unbelievable to think about all the progress and change I've made in the five months I've been in it. I feel like I can handle anything. Booyah!

Also, my friends are awesome. I love them. I love my real life friends Sarah and Emma and Sarah and Olivia and Sam. And I love my internet friends unicornfandance and calcium and dizzydance and scaramouche and itsamystery and eventhis (dude, if you're not on tumblr you're totally not even gonna get this). Oh and my blawg friends Jewels and Randi and Dinah and Amaris and so on a so forth.

Basically I love everybody! I can love you too, if you want. It's free, unless you want fame too. Fame has a price, and right here is where you start paying. Or something like that.

ANYWAYS, I am still trying to get all the money together to get into a studio apt closer to the city. People get poorer and things get more expensive. So I'm assuming I might actually get into the city when I'm 40...if I'm lucky. It's good to have a dream. So I hear.

So yup, I love everyone and things are fun lalala I'm going to learn to sew clothes because I don't go shopping anymore and I have this dream to basically have the wardrobe of a few certain amazing Skins characters (Naomi, Emily, Pandora).

Oh and if you want to reach me, you can do so through my Tumblr. I'm really there ALL the time. My IRL friends can attest to that. And I'm funnier. In case you didn't think that was possible.

And also thank you to LiLu for sending me that Planet Unicorn link. It did make my day, in the way only a gay unicorn is capable of. And also I cannot wait until V puts up the last of those party pictures because I look extremely good and since I can't really remember what happened, I'm hoping those pics will jog said memory.

2009 is kicking it SO HARD, no?

E