Are You There Internet? It's Me Erika.

This picture was taken at my mom's house last summer. I did not want said picture to be taken. Note the extreme casual wear I'm rocking. That t-shirt belongs to my mother. It somehow has holes in it in very odd places. That was back when my bangs grew free and happily and people mistook me for a 15/16 yr old alot. But I do look skinny in this picture. Ohai, and this is my bf sitting next to me. So I guess you finally get to see him. His name is Sam. He's 23 and he always buys the beer. He used to have very cute short, curly hair, but he shaved it off and now he thinks he looks like a chick magnet. Dudes are crazy sometimes.

I am not one for admitting defeat or incorrectness. In fact I rarely ever do it. If someone is right and I'm wrong and it's obvious, then I have no choice but to say, "Oh I'm wrong," or "Oh I fucked up. Sorry." But those times are few and far between.

Back in Atlanta, I was so unhappy. My close friends didn't get me, the dudes I did like to hang out with always had previous engagements, my bf spent a lot of time working, my mom couldn't identify, and even my dog was slowly starting to hate me. Well, maybe. She started ignoring me alot more and in turn I stopped feeding her. Just kidding.

LA was my ticket to happiness. The cure for my sorrows, my hopelessness, this feeling of being completely lost in my own life. I kept telling people I was leaving the South and never EVER coming back. Most people just went "ohhhh" and remarked how lucky I was. I got cold feet a few times but the reassurance of the people around me that I would be fine kept me going.

I spent my first evening in LA by myself, eating El Pollo Loco, listening to my Niko LP, and sitting on my bed with the window open, a warm breeze carrying in the sounds of far off conversations and outside noise. I texted my bf: You know what Sam? Sitting here on my bed, looking out at the blue sky ad palms and golden buildings and listening to Niko and eating chicken out of a Styrofoam container...I'm truly happy.

Fast forward a month and a half later. I'm on speaking terms with only two of my roommates. I have three friends, V notwithstanding, and they're kind of cool. All I do is go to school and then come home, day in and day out. I filter through so many emotions daily. I haven't been laid for almost three months now. I pretty much take care of this apartment on my own. I'm hopeful, but at the same time discouraged.

But every time I go to Hollywood I'm reminded of why I love LA so much. The constant excitement, perpetual ADD stimulation, the opportunities and the people and, most recently, the strip clubs, make it an amazing place to live. It's truly like no other place on earth. Plus I'm an LA kid at heart...my hometown is Inglewood (holla!) and a ton of the pictures of me smiling and happy as a kid were taken when we lived in Los Angeles.

What gets me is that I don't live in LA (the city). Of course I live in LA (the county), but I really live in the Valley. It's ironic actually, because when my mom and I came here awhile back, I thought to myself, "This must be where people come to die." But then I think to myself, well, when I graduate I can live in LA. I can live in the heart of W Hollywood, which has been a longtime dream of mine. I can get my magazine ambitions underway. I can head out to strip clubs every night.

So I thought to myself, why should I stay in the Valley if it makes me unhappy to do so? Longer story shorter, I've made the decision to go back to Atlanta, transfer to the state college, and finish my education there. Then, when I'm ready, I can come back to LA. I love it too much to stay away forever.

I guess a part of me wanted to prove to myself that I could do it. That I could handle being 2000 miles away from my fam and friends and still make it. I think that every time I don't call someone I know and I rely on myself to just "figure it out," as my bf likes to say, I am proving myself. Every time I use my map of LA instead of calling my mom, I'm doing it. Every time I meet someone new because I made the first move to talk to them I'm doing it. And I feel good enough with this month and a half, so I know I'll be even prouder of myself nine months from now when the school year's over. And that quote JEWELS said only made things better.

But a part of me feels like this is admitting defeat, saying that I can't stick with anything without eventually just returning to what's easy and comfortable. Because I'd almost rather be minorly unhappy and take the easy way out than be majorly unhappy but know I'm doing what's right.

In any case, this time next year I'll be blogging to you good people from the dirty, smelly city of Atlanta. It's not a place I'm fond of, but the gang from Tilly and the Wall really love it, so I guess there's my consolation prize.

Deuces,
Erika

So Close I Can Taste It!

Hey hey hey from Flagstaff, Arizona! There's really nothing cool about this place either, to be honest with you. Today's beautiful temperature is 100*! And I've seen a place that specializes in Birkenstocks. Meh.

However, my mom and I got extremely excited when we noticed that the Hardees places had turned into Carl's Jr's. Oh, and in Arizona, they give you free green chile with your meal. Ole!

So only six more hours till I'm in LA! The fact that I'm this close to a dream I've had since my sophomore year of high school is still baffling me! It's like when you meet your hero, only I don't think I'll be very disappointed about this one...

Oh and I think I accepted a marriage proposal last night.

I'll tell you about it later.

Deuces,
Erika

Live From Amarillo, It's Saturday Night!

Guess where I am everyone? Amarillo, Tex-ass! It took about twelve hours for us to get here, since my mom and I can never get to bed early anywhere where there's a TV present. So far we've been through Memphis, TN, Alabama, Arkansas (oooh, flatland!), and Sarah's proud and mighty land of Oklahoma. (I took some pictures of the sunset there that I'll put up when I have more time!) In OK, we saw cows as far as the eye can see and then we remarked about the racial segregation that is so prevalent between black cows, white cows, and my bovine counterparts, the mixed brown cows. So far we have driven 1300 miles for two and a half days. Believe me, this is not getting more fun.

So I guess I should go now. Later, when I'm in Flagstaff or LA I'll update everyone once more. I'll see you too soon V! And happy birthday to Alex, who offish became OLD when she turned twenty on Tuesday. Tuesday, right?

Anyway, thank god for wi-fi, right? Also, I'm missing my boyfriend so badly. I'm scared we've put ourselves in a long distance relationship, but it's because we don't want to see other people. We want each other. I'm not sure if we really ever broke up. Every time we talk on the phone, we cry. Whenever I read one of his texts I cry. Just typing this paragraph up is making me teary eyed. But more on that sordid affair later!

Byeeee fooooor noooooooowwwwww!!!!

Deuces,
Erika

You're The Only Ten I See

Package stores that sell beer to nineteen year olds should be everywhere.

Ohmahgawd, I'm back again! It would seem that my recent hiatus has forced me to miss a lot of things on the Northern side of the Tennessee border: blog updates, comments...I came home to a bananas amount of emails. The movies I ordered came in the mail (Now I can finally say I OWN The Bad Seed and Mommie Dearest...rawwww!) And I don't even want to get into the treasure trove that is Missbehave right now...Gawd, two and a half days of Sarah Morrison posts that I didn't even get to comment on! (You guys know she's really a machine, right? You feed a thought, suggestion, or passing memory into her and she cranks out a really awesome blog post in three seconds flat!)

Honestly, TN was suuuuper boring. My friend lives in a fucking one-horse, Mayberry town where all they do is hang out in front of the one package store (because they know the guy and he sells cigs and beer to minors), or hang in this one kid's basement (where he lives, cos he's 19 and not going to college...we spent a lot of time in that place), or drive around and shit. Their convos consist of daily activities (once I picked up my friend's phone and the guy was like what're you doing? and I was like nothing, and he was like, I'm getting gas [for my car] and mentally I'm thinking, so fucking what?), and I was blessed with the beauteous ability to somehow always end up sitting near my friend and her boyfriend and listening to them make out. There's moaning involved. It makes me wince.

Oh yeah, they have sex there too. It's like a civic pastime. When my friend graduated from HS, there were only three known virgins in her class. Sex always comes up in convos and many of the jokes are sex related. My friend is always being made fun of by her bf because they haven't done it yet. I was revered/admired for not being a virgin. I think her bf is a dick. No, not even that. He was acting like a huge asshole. Immediately, I wanted to punch people. By the end of last night, around 2 am, when we were hanging in this kid's basement watching Alpha Dog (awesome movie) and smoking, I was feeling particularly stabby.

But then my friend and I stopped in Chattanooga on the way back to the ATL. That was mildly fun. We went to the candy store and listened to Shakira. I sang along. She laughed. The end.

Saw this gem in Nashville. You hook it up to the music on your computer (your iTunes library, etc.) via a USB cable and when you play music, the stripper girl starts dancing to it. The best thing about this? Marks & Spencer makes it.

I always go to the same place in Chattanooga: Market St. It's right next to the Art District, the Tennessee Aquarium, and this big walkable bridge thingy.
The mountains and such. When we drove through them and when my friend saw the FALLING ROCKS sign, she flipped out. I eventually calmed her down by quickly telling her that it just meant it was a possibility, not an inevitability.

The smoking mountains smoking appropriately.

Oh yeah! And we bought fireworks. Bad. Ass. Fireworks. Like the kind that say you have to have professional supervision because they involve flaming balls and such. We're lighting them very soon. Oh yeah, beer will most likely be involved. We do it to it, trust.

So that's about it. Oh and a very, very, VERY large and hearty "thank you" to Miss Sarah for holding it down and taking the Disco over in a most graceful, swift, and sophisticated manner during my absence. Much apreesh, girl. But alas, that is all the guest blogging we have time for! You're back to just listening to MY incoherent thought processes! But they'll be interesting, promise! I'm trying to fit mad amounts of fun into my life until I move up to LA and then start having some real fun as my and Valentina's mischief filled adventures will make you so jelz it hurts in that good place.

Mad Men season 2 premiere tonight! Now I'm going to finish all my candy. Mmm, sugar coma...bai!

Deuces,
Erika