Saturday, October 24, 2009

she is exactly right, you guys.

as even more proof that she is as lovely as she appears, miss frl. zucker caught wind of my (borderline creepy? i'm bad at the internet, i think) post in which i basically confessed my complete and utter adoration of her and used it not to toot her own horn (although it is a horn which deserves as much honking as the one on her supercute bike gwenog jones), but to bouy the self-esteems of her fellow ladies, writing this:

anything i can do you can do too. i neither have a secret talent nor am i gifted. i'm not trying to be modest, this is truly my honest opinion. reading this also made me think of how i am constantly comparing myself to others aswell, how i always think others are so much greater than me, draw better than me, do much cooler things than me, are happier and prettier than me, etc. i don't believe this is a healthy habit. you and i aren't any better or worse than the people around us, i am slowly learning this. everyone can make something from nothing everyday in their own way. you don't have to watch people doing cool things, you can be the one doing those things! you've got the power! seriously.

and you know what, folks? she's right! while i don't think there's anything wrong with admiring someone or a quality of theirs, what do we gain from comparing ourselves to anyone else? nothing, but a one-way ticket to FROWNTOWN (population: you and those annoying hyenas from lion king that really got on my nerves). we have enough shit thrown at us on the daily to waste what's left of our energy on feeling bad about ourselves or what we have to offer! we should be focusing on what we're good at and what makes our boats float. then we should try to get rich and buy me a pizza oven. or not, that's really your call.

but don't get bogged down with what you can't do and look at what you can! pretty please? with sugar and a maraschino (like the cherry?) on top? yes, THANK YOU! i can't even believe this is a lesson we have to keep learning over and over again, but it is and we do. ah well. sisters are doing it for themsellllvessss!

ALSO: sarah and i are working on something super rad and totally bitchin'! so far we're just fleshing out the idea skeletons but if we cna put it on the internet, i think it'll be a big hit. you're gonna love it, pinky promise.


Tuesday, October 20, 2009

this is better than a marathon of degrassi with pink buttercream icing!

let's just get this out in the open: i get way way way jealous of ladies on the internet nowadays. they are so enviably twee. and let me also say this: i fucking love twee. camera obscura, los campesinos! winterkids, the postmarks, the positions, etc etc etc. but eventually you start growing up and there's less and less time for vintage pillbox hats and floral tights. that's when you turn to the internet to twee-out vicariously through the adorable fashions and mannerisms of those much cuter and happier than i.

now that we've gotten that out of the way, i can freely admit that i have been majorly internet stalking this lady named frl. zucker for the LONGEST. she's so cute, my bones ache whenever i go to her blog, DEAR DIARY;. but it's a good hurt, like in that episode of weeds when shane gets shot and doesn't want to take any painkillers. this making sense? GOOD GREAT WONDERFUL. anyway, she's totally the business and a side of rice and beans because she's a lovely little feminist with a whimsical sense of style and illustrations that make me cry so hard out of happiness that blood pools in the corners of my eyes. (MEDICAL CONDITION THANKS LEAVE IT ALONE). plus she loves bikini kill and harry potter. AND she makes little zines you can color in (shown above)! and they're only eight dollars if you live in the US. way cheaper than the indie rock coloring book that someone should really purchase for me for christmas. she's basically the person i want to be but never was because i don't have the balls and none of my friends dress like that and it'd just be like WAY TO STICK OUT like the sorest fucking thumb in the city, erika!!!

but anyway look at me just prattling on. here are some of her precious drawings! PHOTO EVIDENCE that compels you to want to make snow angels in pink chalk dust and spun sugar!

how seriously fucking cute is this?! HOW CUTE?! i want to know this drawing in real life and get strawberry milkshakes with it at the soda fountain! i don't even like milkshakes!!!

she has a bike name gwenog jones! and it has a bell and a basket and a mirror. SWOON I DIE THE END.


is it weird to dream of being frl. zucker? is it okay to wear yellow tights in the US? is there some kind of shelf life and/or domestic dis/approval for yellow tights? will i even live past 2012? all things to consider here! but in the meantime, feel free to head to this lovely lady's blog, put your cheek in your palm, and sigh till your lungs fall out. because that's what i'll be doing? yeah, because that's what i'll be doing.


Saturday, October 17, 2009

ugly betty is tearing up my heart, n'sync style, you guys!

jiminy christmas, did anyone in the blogosphere watch last night's premiere of ugly betty season 4?! wait, what? people had lives and were actually out of their houses and hanging with friends and not trying to delay cold death on the living room sofa just a few moments longer and find something to occupy their dusty old mindprunes after degrassi went off and basically just shouting non-sequiturs to their wall, like "THAT IS FUCKED UP!" and "THIS OVEN COOKED PIZZA IS SO GOOD! IT REALLY ISN'T DELIVERY!" no? really? oh, well, then i may be in this ugly betty tizzy by myself. "um, good sir, may i have a TV-induced tizzy for one, please?" "yes, why yes you may. have fun dying alone." "thank you, sir!"

BASICALLY betty got a new job working as the associate features editor and she's over the fucking moon about it (who wouldn't be?! besides someone who got demoted but we don't even have TIME for demotions in the fashion industry! too busy trying to force body images on young girls and make sure those yards of crinoline come in! spring/summer '10 is gonna be SO BIG on crinoline, you guys. maybe.) and she's dealing with the new scenario of working for her ex-boyfriend matt who made a total cunt move and took the job to be her boss once she punched him in the heart with a bulldozer glove (not a real thing, but i am actively seeking a backer to make it HAPPEN!), not to mention we've got this new thing with justin, everyone's favorite teenager, just entering high school. plus christina's gone, daniel's grieving over dead wife ashes, wilhelmina is sheltering her murderous daughter nico (ps omg YAYA from TOP MODEL?! pinch me until i die please!!), trying to find connor for some good, old fashioned extortion (american values, left and right, y'all) and STILL trying to take over mode. WHOO! busy bees up in this hive this season! and that's just the tip of the fucking honey pot!

instead of going further into the episode, which you can watch in full HERE, can i just say how much i supremely love and identify with this season? the whole feeling of being super excited about something you've been trying to do forever and finally achieved and then feeling like you don't even fit in with that crowd which simultaneously crushes your dream bubble and makes you work harder so you can justify singing "survivor" by destiny's child at karaoke, and having to come in daily contact with a person you cared for and accidentally screwed up with that is repeatedly ignoring you and immaturely fucking you over constantly? and being bullied in high school because you're different and no one likes change and you really ARE that kid with the bright pink gucci shirt eating alone in the lunch room because the bathroom stalls are rank and you can't have food in the library and then feeling like you can only talk about it to someone who isn't your parent and your parent is pissy mcangrypants that you didn't come to them? and you feel stuck in the middle while also trying to navigate your own fucked up adolescent issues? and missing someone that was taken from your life way too soon and lashing out by alternating between anger and tears? can i just say i identify with all of that and so this season excites me just a tad bit more than the prospect of getting laid? JUST A TAD?

whatevs. i'm stoked. if you didn't catch it last night, i suggest you watch it! tears won't cry themselves and hearts don't warm automatically! well, maybe if they were robot hearts, but i would need some proof of you being a robot. THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT!


Thursday, September 24, 2009

bodily organs should not be used as tissues, but i get the feeling that is what you want me to do!

above you is the trailer for the new-ish (in america, at least) movie, paris, which i saw last friday and nearly died from. you know how the english thought of love, actually and then america was like, "man, i gotta get all up in that action!" and made something sort of resembling love, actually and i forget the title of it and NO I WON'T look it up because you didn't come here for the acute accuracy of or hard-hitting facts. i know you came here because i promised you candy, and you will get it, don't worry, but for now just hear me out over here.

so anyway america wanted a love, actually but little did they know france was so far ahead of them, they couldn't even see them. because paris is basically france's love, actually (which i am going to stop saying now because my quota has been filled, i can collect my check, and go spend it on a few slices of pizza and a large rootbeer to cry into), only it's a little less cheesy (as if france's version of "cheesy" would be at all like the velveeta tinted nonsense we've come to know in america. velveeta tinted, i tell you!) and way more sad.

should i set up the plot for you? now, don't look so wary, i'll be gentle. take your hands off your eyes. stop being a baby.

so basically you have this guy, pierre, who was a great dancer a few years back, in the chorus lines and stuff, whatever france's broadway is. then he gets sick and the doctors diagnose with him a fatal heart condition and that is very *sobsob* sad because it means his body will weaken and then no more dancing! send in the clowns! cake's out in the rain! etc etc! muy depressing.

he tells his sister elise, played by juliette binoche (who is basically like a golden calf to whose feet i fall and whisper "i'm not worthy, i'm not worthy" in a totally wayne and garth-esque tone) is like, "dude, i'm gonna help you." he's like, "girrrrrrl please don't"and she's like, "nuh uh, mon frere. deeds is DONE." so she moves in and stays with him and she's working her job and being the mother of three kids (she's divorced from her husband) and having a little crushy-crush on the guy that works at the market (because who wouldn't love a guy who could hook you up with free lychees and say the lettuce heads looked ugly like you when you turned down their offer for a date?! WHO WOULDN'T?!)

pierre lives across the street from laetitia, who's in school studying french art and history and who's also BANGIN' (if i may be so crass, because f'reals, homegirl has it going on) and he develops a crush on her but she's basically a lemon tart and has a boyfriend while she's leading on her professor roland, who is looking so crazy in love, beyonce style and is verily crushed when he finds out miss cheater is, well, cheating on him. even after he dances to little richard in front of her. she clearly doesn't understand the balls it takes to do that, but whatever! she can go run off with the annoying good looking guy with the polo sweater! that is what you do!

there are also a ton of other players in this that have their own intertwining stories and basically the whole thing is so, so, so, so good and no dramatic musical numbers occur, which is great for me because musicals make me break out in a rash like i just got drunk and slept with poison ivy. plus the soundtrack is beautiful. lots of soft, classical jams that make you tear up and weep into your hot popcorn, which adds a ton of small hissing, popping noises to the wonderful music. you're like giving it a backup track. YOU'RE WELCOME, MUSIC.

and the whole thing is so lovely and this tale of a sick, kind man in love with life and the world and love is so heartfelt and touching that by the end of it, i was basically soaking in my own salty tears and sadness and hope. it was a weird combination and i had to wash all my clothes when it was over. fucking french movies! it basically ripped out my heart and used it for its paint by numbers kit. you know what movie? i hope the purplish blue looks good on the paper. because it looked great in my heart!


Saturday, August 29, 2009

home is where the booze is

holy balls dudes and dudettes! i've been slacking hardcore over here. and for that i apologize. the internet is serious business and deserves to be treated with respect. the internet's a regular aretha franklin. MOVING ON, it turns out this past monday, august 22nd marks my one year anniversary of the day i rolled into this glittery, smog filled bat cave called LA. and it's pretty exciting, because it means i'm not dead and have survived this screwed up snowglobe-like city. which is a yay! moment. small accomplishments, people. i won't even get into the myriad of too-cool-por-school things i've gotten to do since moving here because why bother and i'm lazy.

so that's about it. it's quite exciting, and i will probably hang around this place for three or four more years and get into shit loads of stupid trouble, wear shitty clothes, and remain steadfast in my mission to convince everyone in los angeles that the cosby show is one of the best shows ever. CONSTANT VIGILANCE you guys. but who knows what kind of wacky things i'll end up doing around here? this place is like a carnival with lots of roads but no places to get a proper funnel cake (the world's most elusive outdoor event dessert).

so, hey, let's put some TI on and grab a few slices of pie, because it's about time we start having fun! (oh man i hope no one notices that i had no idea how to end this)


Saturday, June 27, 2009

why am i not dead yet?!

so. another year. one more step on the staircase of death. one more floor in the elevator of my own demise. just kidding! i'm actually excited to be one year older! it means i'm doing something right because i'm still alive! in your face everybody who wishes i was dead. (probably no one, but maybe everyone, and you've got to put it in someone's face, right? correct.) but you guys aren't here for the self-reflection and the navel gazing, you're here for the CAKE!

well you can't have any! because this is the internet. and you can't eat anything off it. YET.

until the future becomes a reality, let's take a look back on all that's happened to me last year. LOAD UP THE SLIDESHOW MICKEY. settle in.

since my last birthday, i've moved to LA, worked at a dry cleaner's, been to fashion parties, met internet famous LA'ers, met a cool gal named V, gotten blackout drunk in front of adults and children (and then somehow managed to vomit on my bangs? how does that happen?), started blogging for missbehave, watched the inevitable and sadly unstoppable undoing of missbehave, became friends/lived with sarah morrison and olivia allin (whom i love), met my awesome new best friend jasmine, gotten to see tim and eric live and it's always sunny in philadelphia presents: the nightman cometh, eaten truckloads of tacos, gotten to see amazing indie movies, gone to the coolest shows (seriously i never thought i would ever get to see animal collective, white rabbits, asobi seksu, and camera obscura live. never ever ever), started writing for buzzine, and pretty much gotten to live it up. i honestly never thought my life would be this amazing and that it would all come so fast, but that's LA for you, i guess.

(sidenote: shoutout to everyone that's held out their hand to me and help me cross the proverbial street this year: sarah, meghan, lillian, sam, and sydney jane. if it wasn't for all of you i maybe would be dead. if not dead on the outside i'd be dead on the inside. wahhh, the emo! not really, but you guys have all helped me way more than you know. THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU.)

LA is pretty cool and while i probably can't see myself living here for the rest of my life, i do see myself settling down here for quite a while. maybe i'll get a coldwater flat in that cool little space between echo park and downtown. maybe probably! i could be maybe dead by then!

SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! i'm not dead and that's cool! i hopefully won't be dead for a bit so good morning, and in case i don't see you, good afternoon, and goodnight.


(ps: the above is a picture of my mom's dog wearing my glasses. i'm a photographer. it's deep. hire me.)

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

i've made a grave mistake

above these words is the trailer for irene in time, the movie i ACCIDENTALLY INADVERTENTLY saw today as a result of me walking into the wrong theatre at the movies. it was the worst thing i've ever accidentally done on a tuesday ever, in my whole life. except for the accident i almost got into about 45 min prior. FORGET THE MINOR DETAILS. LET'S MAKE A CASE!

okay so basically this movie is about irene who's sad because her dad got in a boat and sailed away to boat heaven (OR SO THEY HAVE US THINK!!!) when she was little and now she can't date because she's trying to find a man like her dad. okay god/world. i didn't have a dad growing up. is this cosmic synergy trying to tell me something? fine. i'm in the theatre and i'm stuck because my desired feature started twenty minutes ago. I'M LISTENING. TELL ME YOUR STORY.

so irene thinks she has to follow dating rules and whatnot to get a guy. she has tons of books. she reads them in the pool. they don't seem to work for her. CUT TO scene of her with "current" boyfriend. they're in her room and she's eating food off his plate and chewing loudly and is generally annoying. he leaves. SURPRISE! but it's not because she eats like a cow chewing gum and is loud, it's because HE'S not right for her. the rules, you guys! the rules ain't working! oh noeeessss!

also she's a singer. she sings these awful songs that were originally written by the lady who did the soundtrack. they sound like the end result of setting a jukebox from 1983 on super easy listening. one song is about finding love in starbucks. can't have that kind of crosspromotion, irene! i see all too easily what you did there! (sidenote: there's also a scene where she's sitting next to a table with a pink can of Tab on it. nostaligic crosspromotion! for the record i no longer drink Tab. i have graduated to just getting wasted every night. i am an adult and these are my words!)

so where were we? ahhh yes. so she meets this guy. well, "meets" is a loose term because he is her producer. he is also 'roided out of his mind and sorta looks like he could benchpress me or whatever. he scares me. and i want him to cut his hair and stop looking at everyone like they're his next meal. but irene likes him and that's what's important. i'm here for her. all the best. RIGHT. she doesn't know she lurves him yet though, so she keeps dating.

she meets a guy who's nice but weird and says stupid one-liner type things like, "we will all laugh at gilded butterflies." not really. he is not that smart. not really either. she hates him and dumps him and then it's back to the bathrobe and the wine and the solitaire. THE SINGLE GIRL'S LIFE FORREAL Y'ALL.

this just in! her old ex is back in LA and wants to go to dinner with her. COOL! but he wants to double date. oh boy, what'll she do now? easy. get her lesbian friend to do her a solid! because that's what lesbians are here for! to go on dates with your ex's friends.

so on that date she and her ex go to the bar and talk, leaving the lesbian and dude sitting there. the dude decides she is who he was waiting for (of course!) and asks her out. this is maybe 20 minutes deep into the "date." she says, "you know i am into women. sorry." he kisses her and then she says, "no sir. i will not take your offer for which i would glady date a woman tomorrow." something like that. back to irene. her ex, who hasn't seen her for seis years wants to marry her. MOVIE OVER! not. because irene's a traditionalist and they haven't even seen each other for twenty minutes yet for god's sake! so she says no. sad panda.

CUT TO the roundtable of women in their over-thirties hanging around talking about their daddies. "my daddy was DA BEST. FOR SERIOUS. HE COULD HAVE BEAT YOUR DAD HARD IN A CORPORATE SOFTBALL GAME"..."my daddy was never around. i hate him"..."my dad was so aloof! ALOOOOOOOOOF! 'tis a word i learned today on the internet. it describes my dad perfectly!" it's so sad! it's like drivin' and cryin' but they're sitting in plastic white lawn chairs wearing bathrobes! it's so weird and uncomfy but i can't look away because a part of me wants to walk out of the theatre!

i almost did. but damnit, i paid my six dollars and bought a fucking drink! so i stayed.

so then they're all eating lunchdinner outside. everyone's there. all friends, all family. irene talks to her mom about her dad and her mom's like, "men suck. do it for yourself." irene is sadfaced. CUT TO the lesbian and her mom. she's finally coming out. her mom is shockedface. she's like, "how long have you known?" (because when the stork makes you gay he mails you a confirmation letter and then you KNOW you're gay) and the daughter's all like, "well i used to have crushes on girls but i dated guys and then you and dad made me all angsty and i dated girls." because lesbianism and homosexuality is a form of teenage rebellion! you guys, this is it! we've cracked the code. let's infiltrate the high schools already.

CUT TO one scene where irene and lesbian friend are hanging out with straight and lesbian friends. lesbian #1 is like, "irene kiss her!" lesbian #2 is all smiles. they kiss. because homosexuality is fun! it can be a big fun experiment! get more wine! let's try again! they keep going with other people. it's like girl's night out but no one's standing on the bar and they are in the living room. sadface.

also creepy producer guy is 'bout it, 'bout it with irene. they hang out and kiss and things are greeeat. so she's found a guy. mazeltov! she doesn't need those books anymore. so they have a book burning party because irene is secretly a communist. and she needs to make sure no one else gets those books ever. NO ONE. no one except the fire god, because she must appease him so that he doesn't rip her eyes out while she sleeps. so she sets those pages aflame! a part of me dies inside when this happens. it is still dead.

NOW they're going to move out of their huge villa (villa coola). irene lives in the guesthouse. she is like thirtybillion and living in the guesthouse. she's like will smith and carlton but not as cool because jazzy jeff never comes over. lord knows how many times she invites him. he, too, is ALOOOOOOF! anyway, moving party. enter irene's BRITISH MOTHER WEARING A PINK CHENILLE THROW! because she is old and british. and irene is american! hmmmmm....

in her bedroom, irene is just farting around and finds this hidden secret hatbox that she's somehow missed seeing for fifteen some-odd years. in it are all these pictures. and a leather jacket, so she can look badass. oh, it isn't so she can look badass? pointless, then! the pictures are of this woman who is oldish and brunette and thin looking. irene must find her.

and find her she does. at the catalina jazz club, where all your dreams come true. she introduces herself and blahblahblah it turns out her father knew that lady. she gives her a russian doll set. irene's like, "cool, but what is this?" she's like, "for srs dood? you don't know what this is?" she's like, "okay byeeeee." END SCENE.

then we dig rull rull deep and it turns out the singer lady is irene's real mom. this still doesn't explain why irene is a REDHEAD. i don't believe she's related to anyone. nope. so everyone's sadfaced but then irene's like, "it's whatever i don't care who my mom is. i gotta be finding my papa!" so she opens the russian dolls. the last two are taped. say what (karoake)? it's because there's a message in them. the msg says, go to the sea or whatever! so she does!

and she begins to walk into the ocean and then all of a sudden i'm like, "is she gonna go straight into the ocean? is she gonna die?" i was on the fucking edge of my seat with excitement you people. but she did not die. she found her father who had just been sailin' around for like twenty years. ain't no thang.

OH ALSO the producer guy is married and with child. he left irene and broke the news to her at the airport. because he is an asshole and he's got to get home to benchpress his wife and child.

i hated that movie.


Monday, April 27, 2009

bup bup bup!

(that shirt is only 33.00! it used to be 110.00 dudes!)

i can see you all are clearly busy moving about your daily lives and whatnot but if i could have your attention for ONE SECOND please? thank you!

karmaloop is having yet another MAYJAHH sale you guys. por serio. 50-85% off. it's a little bit ridiculous, actually. RIDICULOUSLY AWESOME. i was just trolling it, y'know adding shit i can't afford to buy to my cart so i could look at it a little longer before the BILLSBILLSBILLS (can you pay my?) called me away and my bank account shut down my dreams.

(it's actually a bit depressing because the glasses i paid 16.00 for - on sale - are now 4.75 on sale. relativity, people, relativity.)

but you guys look like you have some money! head over to k-loop and shop your streetwear loving hearts out. but do it soon because this sale only lasts for another two days. so, till wednesday. i mean it guys, DO IT. and if you haven't gotten this princess of the posse top by now (um, what?!), you can get it on the mad cheap.

now you have your mission. by reading this post in its entirety, you have chosen to accept it. go forth, be free, and buy america!


Saturday, April 25, 2009

in which TV is clearly out to destroy my heart and soul.

(photo via or whatevskis)

you guys can i be real for a second?

i love TV. like i fucking love it. if there was a way for an electronic device/digital cable stream and a woman to be joined together in holy matrimony, i would've swam into the pacific and climbed onto that boat a long time ago.

but why does everything i love have to hurt me in return? WHY MUST YOU DO THIS? THEY DON'T LOVE YOU LIKE I LOVE YOU!

this is probs my fault (that's okay was never was always me, i know it) because i threw myself into the big masochistic pit of fire also known as watching MTV so in turn i suppose i brought this on myself. i MADE myself watch college life and the phone. i did this.

basically college life is this dipshit - sorry, innovative and compelling, TV show wherein some college freshmen are followed by cameras at ALL times and they talk and sob and wear school hoodies and apparently all attend some kind of prison style college deep in madison, WI. basically i can't stand it because i live(d) it. not to mention MTV just ripped ITSELF off. i wasn't in college back then, but i distinctly remember loving (despite the almost tangible shitty qualities those shows emitted from my TV screen) sorority life and fraternity life. so good going there MTV. you beat yourself to your own original concept like five years ago.

let me synopsize this fucksenserey for you. there are a handful of kids involved but you only need to know about two:

alex: she is 19. she is a bonerkill. this girl is like one walking livejournal entry and all the entry tags are FML. she's like "waaaaah waaaah boys won't put their penises in my vagina! i have no hope with dudes for the rest of my life! the boy i like didn't text me after we watched one tree hill together waaaahhhh even after i put an 'i like you. check yes or no' note in his locker!!! wahhh!!!" okay i know colleges don't have lockers but you see where i am going with this. essentially she is what i am slowly but surely becoming.

no one said i was proud of it you guys. no one.

and then you have kevin. he is everyone's bro-dude. if you give a mouse a cookie, he'll like ask you for milk or something (don't really remember) but if you give kevin a few hours, he'll make you a party. like a mysterious and magical little keebler elf whose medium is hard liquor and red plastic cups. he is that guy that you will want to punch repeatedly in the face sober, but who's meaty arm you will more than gladly cling to when blackout drunk. (you will probably say "more, more, more! and tell me that one story of how you once sucker punched your seven year old neighbor when he took your frisbee! holy shit did you just pull that red cup from behind my ear?! i love you because you're magic! pour me more sam adams!) i imagine the following things go through his head on an hourly basis:

"tits! i hate math! this baseball caps is too tight! tits! ass! i love college! asher roth! i love drinking! i love women! miller lite! beer pong! man, i really appreciate how hard my parents worked so that i could go to school despite the poor grades i achieved in high...whoops! TITS! ASS! DRINKINGSMOKINGSEXCOLLEGE!"

college life is an epic fail of a television show. you guys at MTV want drama? you should have let me film my dorm experience. bitches were threatning to pee on my washcloths and get their sisters to beat me up. because of loofahs and thermostats!!!! there was some diddy approved dramz going down dudes. did i get a show? no. does that leave me feeling bitter? no... does that make me not want to watch this one? YESYESYES.

i was also going to talk about the phone (ay dios mio) but because i have spent so much time ranting about this fuckery, i will just leave it with this equation i have created (in my opinion) perfectly summarizing what you've got here:

mtv's the phone: phonebooth + eagle eye + M.I. - colin farrell - being interesting + money + teenagers.

there's some cloverfield style filming and mildly (like, mild salsa mild) intense and dramz music thrown in for good measure.

TV WE CAN'T GO ON LIKE THIS. GET IT TOGETHER. IT'S NOT TOO LATE TO APOLOGIZE. WE CAN WORK IT OUT. but the sadfaced kids, fleshbeards, gripping reality television, and all other no-noes must GO.


Sunday, April 19, 2009

my momz is bring the dramz

so it is OH-FISH-IYAL. my mom is en route to california, where she will live permanently and be annoying and get all in my face about every little thing imaginable and drive me even more batshit craze than i already am. i WISH i was one of those people who have awesomesauce relationships with their mothers and can phone them up and talk about anything and maybe enjoy a glass of wine together and laugh and share and hold hands and buttercups buttercups buttercups. but i don't.

i'm not entirely dreading having my mom here (since she lived in LA way back in the day but also forever so she can help me out when and if i get lost on the mean streets and she can take care of me on days when i feel sick instead of me just dragging all my blankets and pillows in front of the television and drinking sprite until i throw up and feel better) but i really liked that she was on the other end of the country. i could do whatever whenever however and there wasn't a single thing she could do about it if she wanted to. this whole "over the phone" parenting method was really working out for me.

this whole situation is grrrrr inducing at times and i won't lie, sometimes i seriously debate over whether i should have stayed in atlanta. yeah, i really do. but whatever. it's too late to do anything except grab my board and ride this wave out. plus t-minus one month (por serio hoping) until i'm out the valley and in the big city. this move is going to happen and my moms coming is a big motivator.

so basically now i'm consolidating my shit to make this move is smooth, easy, and QUICKQUICKQUICK as possible and my life is in such a topsy turvy state right now that i don't even know where to start.


Wednesday, April 15, 2009

l-o-v-e is a four letter word.

dear diary,

i met a beautiful, incredible, wondermazing boy. his name is delocated. he stays up really late on sundays and always makes me laugh. he's brilliant. he is sophisticated enough for nat shermans but down to earth enough for cheap beer in a dirty bar. we hang out every weekend and one of these days i am going to let him touch me in my warm places. seriously, diary. i think i will marry him. when he's not in my life, things are all wrong. and i break out tons. i think it's from the stress of not having him. but when he's back, it's like the world is perfect again, diary. perfect. he's it for me.

i love you so much diary don't ever tell my secrets!


Monday, April 13, 2009


(img via the sartorialist)

holy hot hell on a sidewalk in the middle of july in an arizona desert somebody get me those shoes. i think the toes are carved into the shapes of hearts? sweetjesus on high, toss me the respirator because it just got TOO COOL FOR SCHOOL up in here. i am betting those shoes have a chunky heel, which is perfecto, and the fact that they have an ankle strap makes me want to put on lacy white tights, a watermelon colored minidress, and dance in the moonlight a la king harvest on a crazy margarita bender. put it together. IT ALL MAKES SENSE.

also that skirt is high-fiving god with its epic awesomosity but really guys, really, i NEED THOSE SHOES. you know how t.i. wants your body? you know how he needs your body? you know as long as you got him you won't need nobody?

well that's how i feel about those shoes. all of that. and more. someone can go ahead and box them up for me, size 10, and fed-ex them right over to my lair aka my HQ. we serve cookies here. 24/7. they taste like angels' wings fluttering on your tastebuds. it all makes sense.

thanks in advance and i love you all like the sisters that weren't super bitchy to me in middle school.


Saturday, April 11, 2009

"are you already drunk? wait, were you drunk when you got here?"

soooo i got tagged by sarah to do this survey and so i guess i will now. i've never been good with introductions which is probably why 90% of LA has deemed me un-dateable. i will say though that it's nice to get back in the groove of talking to you guys. so what do we do now? hug? campfire stories? french braid each other's hair and chew gum? buy zimas and pretend it's 1999 again? i'm confused. whatevskis. oh also, i don't tag anyone else because i don't know anyone who would actually do this thing that hasn't already so i guess you guys can just read it and pray to your deity of choice that you don't live inside this mind o' mine.

What is your current obsession?
What are you wearing right now? burgundy leggings and my ex's van's hoodie
Who was the last person you hugged? my cool new friend sydney jane! she is bombawesome and she gave me a gift card to trader joes!
If you were a tree, what tree would you be? weeping willow. have you ever sat under one of those things? shade and coolness for DAYS.
What’s for dinner? pasta. again.
What was the last thing you bought? antibiotics
What are you listening to right now? "i don't wanna die" by the unicorns
What is your favourite weather? ummmm...the kind that is warm enough for shorts but cold enough for tights. make sense?
What’s on your beside table? my bedside is a stack of magazines. so there is an alarm clock, two pill bottles, and an empty soda can on my bedside stack of magazines.
Say something to the person/s who tagged you. sarah, you are amazing. v, we need to hang out soon! LA is severely missing our presence!
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? italy.
Where are you typing from right now? my living room.
A book you're currently reading? to be someone by louise voss. sarah lent it to me.
What would you like to have in your hands right now? a lot of fucking money. and maybe chocolate. but somewhere cold. i don't really want it melting in my hands. who made these questions?
What is your favourite tea flavour? lemon
What did you eat for breakfast? a homemade chocolate chip waffle and three slices of pizza
What did you want to become as a child? private eye. i watched a lot of cop/detective shows when i was younger.
What is your fantasy? to own a cherry red keytar with a zebra print strap. oh yessss.

am i done? is that it? i can leave and you'll call me if you're interested? alright. bye.


Tuesday, April 7, 2009

cookies on dowels, mole men, and camp as far as the eye can see

i am thisclose to just shutting this shit down and turning do it at the disco into WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU GUYS ADULT SWIM?! similar to my whyladygagawhy website. i enjoy common themes. have you checked out my art?

anywayssss i just want to talk things out. let's look at the current shows. alright family guy (cool, down with that), robot chicken (it's starting to brown at the edges but it still remains consistent, i will give it that), tim and eric: awesome show great job (NEVER EVER EVER GO AWAY. tim and eric are my spirit animals. seriously. the yin to my batshit yang), venture bros (i can deal with this show. i used to watch it back in the day when i could follow the storyline and things were looking UP!), and aqua teen hunger force (this show has been repeatedly making my nights hilarious and awesome since like 2005). so we've established that these things in the lineup are GOOD. smiley faces all over them. if this were a test paper, i'd be making it rain A pluses EVERYWHERE.

and let us not forget our fallen heroes! frisky dingo (the production company 70/30 closed it's doors early this year so no new frisky or sealab 2021 EVERS AGAINS! for anybody!), harvey birdman (i am soooo fucking serious when i say me and this show were destined to be together forever. like nobody's business i loved harvey birdman), and the oblongs (OG goodness for your SOUL), AND 12 oz mouse (seriously that chill mouse and that big eye made my 5ams time and time and time again). old shows, miss you like my childhood...

BUTTTT what is going on with these new shows? xavier: renegade angel? superjail? i hate to put the kibosh on your smiling sunshiney faces but i'm going to have to ask you to slip these into some padded manila envelopes and return to sender. someone told me these shows are for acid heads. that's a pretty sweet suggestion, but until someone can ship me some LSD i'm gonna need you guys to put these away. far away. into a lockbox maybe? lose the key.

and in the spirit of new shows, i wanna thank you guys for look around you. it's awesome. 100 percent grade A CAMP. i have a soft spot in my hearts for the late 70s/early 80s. you punched me right in my loving aortas with that show. (in that vein, can we maybe rethink putting saul of the mole men back on the air? the CAMP in that show fills my sweet spot everytime) i also want to props you up for delocated. the writing on that show is IMPECCABLE you guys. seriously. i want to give you all handjobs for it. i'm sorry, i meant to say, shake your hands. WITH MY MOUTH. whatever, i love that show. don't ever let it die like my pet fish in 7th grade. goldie hawn, noooo...

so whatevskis adult swim. basically i like what you're doing for the most part. but don't start slacking on your quality! you guys have been the reason i stay up till 1am when i have a 6am class for as long as i can remember. and choose to remember. i rep atl just for you guys. stay ill. holler at me when you want a witty contributor to contribute to, um, whatever witty people contribute to. you can pay me under the table, in single bills, action figures, and headshots of brendon smalls. our love is like that tarzan disney movie. you'll be in my heart, phil collins style. or maybe tom collins style. i haven't decided how many references i want to make in this post. i'll probably come out around however many make me sound knowledgeable, but not douchey. this is the internet, and i must never be douchey.


Tuesday, March 31, 2009

"the adorability level goes from mellow to insane in 60 seconds"

hey what's up? how you been? how you gonna be? good on all accounts. nice.

the internet is a magical and wondrous place that lets you do amazing things like buy quail eggs and email the pope and sometimes it lets you do awesome things like stalk adorable dudes and sit at home making shrines to them and shout at the screen how much you want to have their babies and cook them grilled cheeses.

and SOMETIMES it lets you find out that people are preggersface. like jewels. because i am like the olsen twins detective agency of the interwebs (wonder twins, activate) , i had to do deep digging into this amazing revelation.

basically she is pregnant and her baby will be awesome. like MIA's baby, but from new york, so more legit. congrats, jewels! on your baby and your new boobs and months of people giving up their seat on the subway!

sooooo...around here things are just bro as shit, minus the bros. i've been partying and hanging around in chinatown (not really but it rhymes) and totally neglecting that big thing in my life called COLLEGE so i guess i should get back to that. in the immortal words of christine, the old missbehave intern, "it's not a good look."

oh also you can apply to be my bro, if you want. i've been looking to incorporate some new blood/fresh meat into my posse. i'm totally legit and i rock hard and roll hard and do epic shit on a daily basis and my favorite restaurant is mcdonalds.

AND DID I TELL YOU MY FRIEND GOT A SKATEBOARD? yeah she totally did. i'm gonna make her teach me how to ride the concrete wave in exchange for marking her present every day she's absent in our music in film class.

dope. bomb. sweet. check you guys on the sunny side.


Wednesday, March 25, 2009

It Is So On, You Guys

What the fuck is up everybody? I haven't been here in yerrrrs. So this is gonna sound totally infomercial-licious but I wanna talk to you guys about something pretty bitching. So the amazing all around mega woman Meghan and her co-pilots on EpicLady Air are walking in the Breast Cancer 3-Day! I know you guys are stoked on this. Contain your squeals of delight. This ain't Christmas.

But it can be just like it! Their team, Cancer Schmancer (seriously? what deity gave them the ability to come up this brilliance?!) is trying to raise money and THEY NEED YOU! Por serio, any and every bit helps! And this money is totally legit. You're not giving this to someone in Cote D'Ivore who needs to you to transfer 50,000.00 into a domestic bank account and all that blahblahblah. You're giving hard earned money to hard working ladies! I did! Feels good!

So get the fuck on it! You can give money here. Sorry, that's a typo. That sentence should read, You give money here.

Woohoo no cankles no sprains no pain just gain!


Wednesday, March 4, 2009

I Got 911 On Speed Dial 'Cause I'm Killing It On A Daily Basis

(picture blatantly stolen from savagesunshine. all use of sarah morrison is uncopyrighted and in the hopes she won't kill me for using this picture)

Lalala life is good. It could be worse. It isn't great. But it's good and that makes me happy. Tralala! Yesterday was my last day of therapy. It was awesome. It's like, unbelievable to think about all the progress and change I've made in the five months I've been in it. I feel like I can handle anything. Booyah!

Also, my friends are awesome. I love them. I love my real life friends Sarah and Emma and Sarah and Olivia and Sam. And I love my internet friends unicornfandance and calcium and dizzydance and scaramouche and itsamystery and eventhis (dude, if you're not on tumblr you're totally not even gonna get this). Oh and my blawg friends Jewels and Randi and Dinah and Amaris and so on a so forth.

Basically I love everybody! I can love you too, if you want. It's free, unless you want fame too. Fame has a price, and right here is where you start paying. Or something like that.

ANYWAYS, I am still trying to get all the money together to get into a studio apt closer to the city. People get poorer and things get more expensive. So I'm assuming I might actually get into the city when I'm 40...if I'm lucky. It's good to have a dream. So I hear.

So yup, I love everyone and things are fun lalala I'm going to learn to sew clothes because I don't go shopping anymore and I have this dream to basically have the wardrobe of a few certain amazing Skins characters (Naomi, Emily, Pandora).

Oh and if you want to reach me, you can do so through my Tumblr. I'm really there ALL the time. My IRL friends can attest to that. And I'm funnier. In case you didn't think that was possible.

And also thank you to LiLu for sending me that Planet Unicorn link. It did make my day, in the way only a gay unicorn is capable of. And also I cannot wait until V puts up the last of those party pictures because I look extremely good and since I can't really remember what happened, I'm hoping those pics will jog said memory.

2009 is kicking it SO HARD, no?


Monday, February 23, 2009

Go Hard Or Go Home. I Haven't Been Home Since Birth

(did i mention i love unicorns? no? oh, well i do.)

Ughhh. I wish I could emit an audible sigh over the internet. No wait, nevermind. That kind of sounds like I want to fart over the internet. I don't btw. So you know. But I'm just a little sad. Sarah and Olivia are gone and I really miss them. It was nice to come home to someone saying "hey." And it was nice not to watch TV alone. And to hang out with people who didn't make fun of me or get irritated at me for literally parking myself in front of my laptop and not moving. And I'm gonna miss those Sundays when Sarah would be hungover and drag her pillow and blanket into the living room and sleep the whole day and then wake up at like 8:30pm and just start watching TV and eating. And Olivia's cooking, because it was amazing and she was super nice about the mac & cheese I made (even though I thought it was gross) and she taught me how to eat an artichoke, which tastes weirdgood and requires butter so you know I'm down.

Basically without them here it's just empty silence. I shout at the TV during Tyra and no one laughs. I buy cupcakes and no one goes "Yay!" When I come downstairs no one's fallen alseep in front of the TV. There are no five cheese pizzas in the freezer and no backpack full of cooking supplies in the pantry.

Plus I have been having a few issues in my personal life. Basically, to say I'm ready to get back into dating would be an understatement. Like, soon, really. Throwing all my energy into those skateboarders I see outside in between class isn't doing me any good. Then again, staring them down until they look at me and then looking away probably isn't the best way to go about it.

In any case, I'm fucking tired of being a doormat and a pussy. It's just a bummer that I'm so good at it.


Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Stay Strong In The Face Of Lil Mama, Girl

(hell yeah gifparty!)
Sooooo, in case you didn't know (which would mean you weren't either of the Sarahs in my life - Fondypoo and Morrison), I started writing for an online magazine last week. I was hesitant to divulge all deets since I am now actually representing a company blah blah blah but the internet has always been and will always be my home, so excuse me while I take off my shoes, light a cigarette, grab a can of Snapple, and get comfy.

My first assignment was to review the new Asobi Seksu album, which is, btw. The album drops tomrrow in case you're feeling inclined to pick it up, but in the meantime, allow me to redirect you to the worldwideweb where my article is posted and sitting happily amongst its peers. I'm not gonna lie, I'm fucking excited. I almost jizzed in my pants when I saw it this morning while greedily refreshing my browser, and I called my mom and texted my exbf and then got a text from Sarah F congratulating me, which totally warmed my heart because at the time I was walking in a shitstorm of rain, getting completely soaked (despite the umbrella over my head), and generally looking sadfaced and sobbing loudly.

So yup yup you can read the article here and then send me countless messages about how much you love me, how good of a writer I am, how badly you want to send me monies so I can get a studio apt, how much you want me to be your girlfriend (available!) and so on and so forth.

And might I add that you should listen to The Lonely Island's CD, Incredibad? It's EPIC. Hint: if you liked "Jizz in My Pants" and "I'm on a Boat" then you will probably ENJOY this shit out of this album. Like me. Maybe we can enjoy it together (still available!) over pizza and cookie cake?



Sunday, February 15, 2009

Turn Into A Jet (Like A Boss)


Things have been craze around here y'all. And when I say craze, I mean, eh, mildly worth mentioning, which is craze since it's more than normally happens. Sarah's still here, being awesome, and Olivia moved into a really cute house in LA, which Sarah will go to, one day, probably when I stop making her waffles for breakfast and tortilla strips when she's hungover. So, never. But when Sarah leaves it will officially mean things over here are back to normal, which is kinda sad, because the two of them being here was the most fun I've had in my six months of living in LA. I'm going to miss them. And probably get them a housewarming gift. I have an idea, but MDMA is pretty expensive, so I guess I'll just be making them ordinary brownies. Oh well.

How was everyone's Valentine's day? Sarah and I watched Bridget Jones' Diary and fell asleep on the floor. But the Friday before was fun. Sarah and Olivia and I got drunk and watched Bring It On: All Or Nothing and then I got some cake and then we walked to the liquor store but all I really remember is spilling my drinks a lot and falling and then telling them my plan to get acid with Sarah (the Fonder of the two) and going to Venice and painting with watercolors and then someone said, "Watercolors?!" but I'm not sure if that was a dream or not. Either way, fun.

On the subject of my love life (or lack thereof), I've been attempting to win over the hearts of the scruffy skateboarders on campus, but it's been generally unsucessful. I should perhaps think of better ways to get them to notice me other than staring at them nonstop from across the hall and then greedily eyeing their bags of Taco Bell. But that's just unfair because I don't have the energy to walk to TB. Of course if I had a skateboard I would go there! If I had a skateboard I could make all my transpo dreams come true.

This new Lily Allen album is also completely blowing my mind. Sarah (the Fondest one, again) gave me a copy of it two days ago (she got it on presale because she's so clever) and I've already listened to it four times. I've also put on "The Fear" and cleaned my kitchen while jumping and bouncing around like a crack addict, but be thankful you weren't there to witness that firsthand.

But that's basically it. My life is finally picking up and heading in the direction I envisioned and I'm almost a little proud that it only took 6 months in one of the toughest cities in the US for it to happen. The year is finally starting off for me and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't fucking stoked for it. Things still bum me out, get me down, and defeat me. I still stand in front of my kitchen window smoking a cigarette and crying, and I still look to others for strength sometimes, but I also laugh more and love more and live more and that makes it all worth it. I've taken a lot of risks, made a lot of mistakes, and (hopefully) learned from all of them. I'm going to continue to work hard and play harder and if you wanna employ me, I'm a bomb ass employee. I know a lot about a little, but I like to learn and I have a fabulous work wardrobe. Really. I impress myself sometimes. Did I mention I need a job? Just checking.


Sunday, February 8, 2009

Everything's Better With Porno! sadcute as it is to admit, I didn't have anything better to do tonight than go see a movie by myself. It was either that or sit home eating those fancypants Stouffer's TV dinners that I bought on sale from Ralph's 10 for 10.00, but those were just glorified Kid Cuisines (remember those? My epic domestic fail mawm basically fed those to me at least three times a week during mid to late childhood), so I chose the former option.

I went to the theatre and after a brief scuffle with a man with a super intense stutter and overflowing amounts of pedo-creepiness (for surrious sir, I don't want a boyfriend on the side and even if I'm lying by saying I'm still in high school, you shouldn't be hitting on me) I sat down to watch this lovely piece of cinema entitled Serbis with the other eight people in the theatre.

I'm not gonna sit here and be like, "Ooooh, it made you think and it was soooo arthouse and good and even though you're not gonna get it, you, like, get it, man. You just get it." Because you won't and it isn't and I didn't and two hours later, I still don't know what I saw. Plus it had subtitles. And the sneak-uppy kind that don't hit you until three scenes into the movie when everyone stops speaking English and starts speaking this English/Spanish/Filipino hybrid and the subtitles kick in.

Um, basically it's about this family that lives in this huge theatre where they also, oh, you know, just happen to show pornos. Pretty run of the mill. All the gays come to the theatre and then sell their bodies (totally just thought of that to the tune of Mariah's "Touch My Body") and so while the movie's running, everyone's pretty much sucking dick for dollars or pesos or chocolate coins or whatever the currency in the movie is (I'm not really sure) and then a goat turns up and then a girl gets pregnant (this is not a spoiler) and trannies give "strutting" lessons. The house is pretty cool though, really big and ornate with a fuckload of stairs. I mean seriously, by now I would think someone might have looked into putting in an elevator or an escalator, but, you know.

Oh and people are naked a lot and there's a non-porno sex scene which is hot in a strange way (kind of like how really fucked up porn still turns you on even though you tilt your head and squint to look at it) and I guess this movie is fantastic if you really feel like bumming around in a theatre for an hour and forty-five minutes and have a friend to talk through throughout the whole thing, because really, you could tune in at any given time and have the same amount of back-knowledge.

If all else fails and my deeply introspective and incredibly riveting review of this feature didn't satiate your needs, here's the trailer. And if that doesn't help, then get the fuck outta my face, because you're probably hopeless and have no business watching movies or reading about them.


Sunday, February 1, 2009

Ridiculous In The Very Best Way

So Sarah Morrison moved in last Thursday. I knew it was going to be a big change from me just chilling around, doing nothing, by myself, watching 15 hours of TV a day and binge eating tortilla chips, but I don't think I realized it was going to be this fun.

When she pulled up in the parking space next to mine, I ran out to greet her. We said our "hey's" and she proceeded to start throwing clothing out of her truck. Just the essentials, though: a jacket, a pair of boots, some bras...then she started talking to me. Her words were literally coming out of her mouth at the rate of 30 words per second, at least. That's when I knew this was going to be really awesome.

I grabbed the groceries, she grabbed the clothes, and we went inside. I gave her a tour and she caught me up with everything that had been going on in New York. Most people have probably seen Sarah's videos on Missbehave and whatnot, but I don't think many people know that she literally goes a mile a minute when she talks. She's bouncing around and gesturing and being totally animated. So Friday we basically hung around the house all day on the internet. (Thank gawd there's someone else who can basically survive on internet and TV!)

After watching the most ridiculous episodes of Tyra to date, we decided we were hungry. Somehow the Cheesecake Factory was designated as the place to eat. We Googled the address and were on our way. After some driving, we found ourselves in the middle of nowhere. There were DEER CROSSING signs. (Didn't know deer lived in SoCal, btw)

It turns out we weren't heading to the Cheesecake Factory, we were going to their CORPORATE HEADQUARTERS. Apparently Google thought it would be funny to take us there. And it did, twice. I said that we should write a review of this online.

"We should write that it's the worst restaurant we've ever eaten at!"

We finally made it though, but were completely stuffed after eating the fried macaroni & cheese balls (which were heaven, btw), so I got my calamari and my cheesecake and she got her salad and her cake to go, which meant we had to interface with our scarily peppy waitress a million times. Her laugh was this really awful forced one and she kept trying to relate with us by making jokes and being all "hey girl hey." But I can't really knock the hustle.

So here I am, at 2:15 am on Saturday/Sunday, still trying to get through this slice of cheesecake (which I totally changed Sarah's mind about. She doesn't think it's terrible anymore. Well not the choco chip cookie dough flavored kind anyway.) and listening to the Shangri-Las with the TV on MUTE while Sarah's somewhere in downtown LA working the door at some afterhours party.

I kinda have a feeling there's just going to be one crazy story after another over here now. Oh, and in case you still didn't know (are you sure you have the internet?) I'm on Tumblr 24/7 and Sarah (of Lolita fame) is too. The other Sarah (of Morrison fame) has her own blog, and it's awesomly funny and a perfect distraction for the work I should/n't be doing for my journalism class.

And, well, that's it.


Sunday, January 25, 2009

Thursday Is Party Day

I happen to really j'adore Asobi Seksu. They remind me of summer romances, long nights up with best friends, drunken skinny-dipping at the beach, accidentally letting go of a balloon and then watching it float up into the air, impromptu picnics, spending time with the one person in the world who gets you, sheer dresses, bare feet, and wet earth, and getting caught in the rain.

That being said, "Thursday" is probably my favorite Asobi Seksu song, aside from "Walk on the Moon," "Mizu Asobi," and "Nefi+Girly" which is the song they used for all those Skins trailers. It's so ethereally, heavily, softly gorgeous. And makes me long for summer. I mean, what the fuck LA? It's been cold and rainy for the past week. Let's get back to normal soon, shall we?

Anyways, here's the video for "Thursday." Also, if you're looking for someone to spend the night with on Valentine's day, just show up at my house with this song playing out of your boombox, a six pack of Sweetwater 420 ale, and a pizza and I'm yours.


Friday, January 23, 2009

If You Wanna Date A Rockstar, You Better Get Used To Falling Off The Stage

Hey internet. Long time no see. Oh what's that? I know, I've missed you too. Yeah, I know. I'll try to be a better friend. You wanna come over and watch American Idol with me next week? Yeah, you can bring some wine. Sure, you can sit in the LaZboy this time. No, I don't mind the floor. Honest.

I wish I could say I say I've been up to some crazy and wiiillld antics and adventures since I last talked to y'all. But I haven't. I started school again and I have a wicked Music In Film class wherein we watch assorted scenes from movies and then discuss the uses of music in them. It's pretty awesome.

Speaking of movies, since I have Showtime, I have been watching some amazing ones, like 10 Items or Less with Paz Vega (luff her) which was spectacular, and Love and Other Disasters with Catherine Tate and Brittany Murphy (in which she tries to be an American with a slight British accent - that's sorta weird), which is totally adorable and cheerful.

I also got my oven/stove fixed. It wasn't turning on or working and I couldn't make brownies! (ohhh noooess) The maintenance man came and looked at it and I expected him to say something dire like it needed to be replaced, but it turns out the pilot wasn't on. So then I felt stupid. But once he left I popped those brownies in there!

And since I have my entire afternoons free after 1pm, I've been trekking over to Silverlake and thrift shopping for homewares. Last time I got a jar for my paintbrushes and some old French fashion mags from the 60s for only 2.00 each! And tomorrow I'm going to look for some furniture! Because I can't sleep in the livingroom forever. Eventually, I'll need a sofa or something. I guess.

I'm also being awesome in my spare time and plotting a hostile world takeover, planning a giant ska/punk warehouse party, trying to get a cat named Fred, and looking to get some acid. (Sarah and I are going to get some, paint our faces, and go trip at Venice Beach. One day...) Did I mention that part about the warehouse party? Really would love to make that happen.

I'll try to be back here as much as possible and in the mean time, my Tumblr is still totally available. As am I.

I'm not really sure what to do this Valentine's day since last year I was in a relationship and it was totally awesome and this year I'm single allz over again. Will someone come over so we can drink ourselves stupid and watch Bridget Jones' Diary?


Monday, January 19, 2009

What's Going On Jemina?

Apparently Jemina Pearl is still going post byoP. And now she's got Karen O hair. I'm eternally jelz only because I always wanted to have Karen O hair. But I'm not sure what to say about Jemina. I'm mostly sad because I loved byoP and I want her hair and I'm not sure this whole thing is such a good idea.


O, J.


Love? Better. Something Like A Dream.

So Lillian has this goal of trying 12 new vegetarian recipes. I think that's awesome. To kick it off, we're having a bi-coastal bake-off (Atlanta v LA, East v West) and we're making Mexican Hot Chocolate cupcakes. Divine, right?

Well, I'm not exactly a vegetarian, although I do happen to think tofu is delicious, but I think a goal to learn and try new recipes is fantastic. So I'm going to try to absorb as many recipes as possible this year. I've already got a few (tomato stew and Mexican chicken tortilla soup) under my belt, but I want to really build a repertoire. You know those ladies who need to make dinner and they pull out a recipe BOX? That's what I'm shooting for.

And then I thought, why don't I share them with y'all? That way everyone can get in on the fun, plus Lillian won't have to look too far for recipes! It'll be kinda like 100 days of recipes, but like, 336 days of recipes since we're already 19 days into the new year and I'm going to start tomorrow.

So, uh, get excited people! We're all going to be goddesses of the kitchen in no time!


Sunday, January 18, 2009

Do You Really Want To Hold My Dirty Hands?

World. I am so happy. I couldn't be happier. Well, maybe if I was rich and had a nicer car and lived in a sweet ass apt over in Echo Park. THEN I could be happier. But as things stand, I'm more than satisfied with this.

The day started with me running over to Kroger to buy cupcakes per my promise to Lillian and everyone who would attend the Los Campesinos! in-store today. I said I would get 100 cupcakes...but sadly got 91 (yeah, did not properly multiply 14 x 7), but that was still more than enough. And people loved them. You know what I'm always saying, the way to a person's heart is through a cupcake!

Oh and the LC! show was awesomesauce. V, my pictures leave a certain something to be desired (this is the reason pro concert photog is not listed anywhere on my resume) so I'm borrowing some from the Criminal Records' Flickr set. I think you will feel like you were there? Hopefully?

The setlist was:
"Don't Tell Me To Do The Maths"
"My Year In Lists"
"Miserabilia" (I'm pretty sure)
One other song whose title escapes me

And then at the end of the set Lillian held up a sign and the lead singer said, "And thanks Erika for bringing the cupcakes." OMG. I practically died on the floor from sheer awesomeness, but I managed to just eeek out a "whoo!"

After that Sam and I went to the park and then IT SNOWED! It was amazing and fantastic! It was famazing and amatastic! Some snow got in my eye and then it wasn't so cool anymore. Then we went to Noni's, where I had the most ridiculously good meal. And it was someone's bday - again. I swurr, everytime I go there someone is having a birthday!

Then Sam and I talked and agreed that we were better off with other people and that we would remain friends and it was so awesome that I cried. Yeah. Yeeeaahhhh. And then I listened to "Brooklyn (Go Hard)" on the train home and tried to pretend I was in BK. For a split second, I so was! Then the train stopped and said, "North Avenue Station" and I remembered where I was.

Allz in allz, it had to be one of the best days of my life, and one of the most memorable, not to mention one of the most fun! But I have more than overstayed my welcome here, and I'm glad to be going back to LA...ahhh, fun in the sun.


Friday, January 16, 2009

You Can't Just Walk Into A Pageant And Expect To Win

So. Tomorrow is my last day in Atlanta. I have been here for almost an entire month, doing what I would like to call ineffectively attempting to pretend I never left. You can deny the change inside you, but it doesn't do you any good. So I can't keep denying I haven't been changing since I left Atlanta almost six months ago. I can't deny it especially because all this change is making me more into the person I really want to be.

BUT on a much lighter note, tomorrow is another installment in Criminal's Beer Thirty, their weekly midday show during which you can drink and listen to music. Ummm, awesome combo. And tomorrow is my favorite show to date: Los Campesinos!

Not only am I excited to see LC! live, but I'm excited to see them indoors, since Criminal Records used to be a lot smaller and in-store shows were outside...even in the dead of winter.

Oh also there will be cupcakes! I hope. I asked Lillian if I could bring some and hopefully I can! (ps: lillian if you read this before your mail, pls check your mail, gracias)

Basically, as this trip winds down, so does my old life. I want to close the door on it once and for all. It's like I was telling my friend, "I have a lot of things to take care of before I can really start this year." And I will. And it'll be HARD, but worth it? I hope? Say yes?

And so that's that. Well, tomorrow that will be that. Officially. And then I'll be back to LA, the land before time, where the rest of the country is at least an hour ahead of us.

Then again, I would take hearing about who won an Oscar later than everyone else over the 30 degree weather that is ravaging my beautiful body at the moment. Anyone read the forecast? It's fucking 70 degrees over in my hood.

Huh. I so did have somewhere I was going with this post right now, but I have no idea what it was. Perhaps that is a mental hint that I should go eat some of the doughnuts my mom brought home.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Hey Internet, Still Here

Recently, for reasons that are both here and there, I've been thinking about how to really start 2009 off in a great way. Things don't seem official yet. I know we're halfway through the first month, but I don't feel like I can start the year until I take care of things that were bothering me in 2008. Looking through my diary from late last year, I've realized that problems can get swept under the rug, but they never truly go away until you DEAL with them.

The sweeping bit is not the issue, obviously, it's the dealing with it part that presents a problem within itself.

Also funny (in that funny way that isn't really funny at all), I've learned that trying to plan too far ahead into the future is not practical. And only ends up frustrating you, especially when you make plans with someone else, because at that point, if you seem committed enough, even "maybes" start to sound like promises.

I do have a lot to look forward to this year. Rooming with Sarah and Olivia for a while, then probably again a little later, getting Brooklyn Prom Queen off the ground, cementing some friendships and breaking others...and, of course, blogging my eyes out. That sounds gross but it'll probably be fun. Kinda like those pedicures when fish nibble on your feet.

Other people have inspired me so much lately and at this point, I'm straddling that fine line between inspiration and replication. I'm trying to land in the former end of this spectrum, although my creative juices, like the delicious cranberry/pomegranate juice in the fridge, are gone and thus making it harder for me to step outside the box like I so normally can.

So, I'm not making any plans as of yet except to be happy and healthy (and guh, finally finally finally lose fifteen pounds?) and to take care of myself. I've kinda realized lately that I need to grow up already; that you can't just pick and choose when and where you feel like being and acting like an adult.

But like I said, no plans.


Sunday, January 11, 2009


Is anyone else watching the Golden Globes right now? Do you have a Tumblr? Then please come to the dark side. We are livetumblr-ing this shit and things are getting better and better.

Also, I just wanted everyone to know I wasn't dead. You can tell the search dogs to go home and take a nap.


Friday, January 9, 2009

"They're Going To Pan The Camera Back To Him, But He's Already Gonna Be Gone."

Whoa. I sorta internet died for a second guyz. I know I'm usually over hurr on the daily, popping in and talking about life and love and television and clothes and stickers and ponies and, but lately I've been occupado (how the hell does THAT get by spellcheck?) at my mom's house. She's decided to sell the house I lived in in my precious, memory laden high school years. Like I care.

The real important part lies in the fact that I have to clean out everything and make piles of what stays with her when she jetsets to LA (yep, that's what I wanted, to live in the same state as mi madre un tiempo mas - that's one more time, right?) and what goes to Goodwill and what she sells at her garage sale. This is all sorts of crucial 'cos I'm sort of a packrat and I'm always terrified of throwing away some chunk of my childhood that I'll want in twenty years when my children are old enough to care about "vintage" and "retro."

Obvi this is an emotionally and time consuming process; I've been here for two weeks and all I've managed to clear up is one wall...well, it's a corner, mas o menos.

Anyways, if you guys are ever all like, "We need some Erika up in hurr," which I doubt ever happens, feel free to head over to my Tumblr, which I update like two hundred times a day, or you can totally SKYPE me. Not really.

So we'll let this just be my away message, in case I don't talk to ya'll for a minute. Oh, and of course I had to go out with a video. I love this song. It would play at the end of my personal life movie, as I walked into the sunset and the screen faded to black. I mean, obvi I have an active and well exercised imagination.


Monday, January 5, 2009

Happy Birthday Lillian!

Yesterday was Lillian's birthday! In case you don't know Lillian (lame), she is awesome. She's super sweet, super dedicated (she pens Criminal Records weekly newsletter), and a super asset to the environment. You keep trying to fandangle that can crusher, girl! Since she loves music and she's probably the only person in the universe who actually cares about my end-of-the-year album lists, AND because she gave me those MIA bandannas at Record Store Day (I have them hanging on my mantle!), I'm dedicating this song to her.

Happy Birthday Lillian! Keep being totally eggpants!


Happy Women's Self-Empowerment Week!

Apparently, in between socially oppressing us, limiting our choices when it comes to things that should completely be in our control (y'know, like our bodies and our hormones), telling us what we should look like, and then feeding us one contradiction after another, they gave us a Self-Empowerment Week.

Awww thanks guys. We'll totally sleep with you now that you're really starting to warm up to the struggle. Thanks for seeing our side. And oops, there went my panties!

Personally, I'd like to think I empower myself, regardless of whether society or men or other women (for that matter) are aiding in it or not. I mean, not to say I'm a fucking one woman army or anything, but I do what I want and I'm not so easily going to let someone stand in my way of it. I'm also pretty sure that despite the damsel-in-distress image society constantly pushes on us, we can handle ourselves and be independent. Then again, I forgot that "empowered" means not crying when you break a nail.

Which is stupid, because that shit hurts reeeallly bad! Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

But since the rest of the world decided to acknowledge us poor women we might as well put down the sewing needle and let the cookies burn in the oven right? I think I'm going to take this week to do whatever the fuck I want. And that includes fucking. I'm gonna have a motherfucking ovary party! Hey BOY, get the fuck out of my way! It's my week! Go shave or something. Or maybe make me a martini!

The girls at Jezebel, of course, being twenty million times more witty and smart than I, have way better ideas for how their spending this ONE WEEK.

In addition to bossing around the boy parts in my life, I think I'll also just fuck tampons and pads and bleed my woman juices all over the place! Deal with it!

Omigod just kidding. I'm not a savage. Although it does seem like a funny thing to do when you hate your roommate.

What about you bitches?


Saturday, January 3, 2009

Is That Hummus? No, It's Guacamole. No, it's GuacaHummus.

So my NYE was spent uneventfully eventfully. Around 8 I hung out with Sam, April, and her friend. We sat around eating potato wedges and doing face paint while April's friend made confetti bombs. My face paint was super cool and totally wood nymph.Everyone else looked equally dopity dope dope. April killed it, like always.
We sat around Pal's Lounge and had drinks. I had water because I'm lame. Oh, in case anyone is wondering, I went to F21 and couldn't find any of the dresses I had in mine, so I improvised because I was in a hurry. I picked out the entire outfit in 40 min and found a cute pair of leggings. I totally need to be on one of those makeovers in a hurry type shows. I wore this adorable dress that was black at the top and plaid on the bottom, with a black and white button underneath.

After Pal's we went to some huge house in Sandy Springs. That's really far, so you know. But the house was ginourmous. Like, I got lost in it it was so big. It was also super duper cold in there so I posted up next to the space heater with my pom & vodka and hung there most of the night. That's right. I'm wearing mittens. It was cold as fuck.
I was also the NYE pimp.There were a shit ton of fireworks so everyone decided to light bunches of sparklers out of a Korbels bottle all night. At 11:45 everyone crowded into the living room with their noisemakers and streamers in hand and we counted down to midnight and then we all screamed and everyone kissed everybody.

Then people proceeded to get mad drunk for the rest of the night (I just sipped my vodka and watched the antics) and this dude that was totally sweating me took a picture with me before I fell asleep on the couch. After that, we all went home and I got in around 3:30 am, went upstairs, and just managed to wash my face before collapsing in my bed.
Peace up, A town dooooowwwn.