You Can't Just Walk Into A Pageant And Expect To Win

So. Tomorrow is my last day in Atlanta. I have been here for almost an entire month, doing what I would like to call ineffectively attempting to pretend I never left. You can deny the change inside you, but it doesn't do you any good. So I can't keep denying I haven't been changing since I left Atlanta almost six months ago. I can't deny it especially because all this change is making me more into the person I really want to be.

BUT on a much lighter note, tomorrow is another installment in Criminal's Beer Thirty, their weekly midday show during which you can drink and listen to music. Ummm, awesome combo. And tomorrow is my favorite show to date: Los Campesinos!

Not only am I excited to see LC! live, but I'm excited to see them indoors, since Criminal Records used to be a lot smaller and in-store shows were outside...even in the dead of winter.

Oh also there will be cupcakes! I hope. I asked Lillian if I could bring some and hopefully I can! (ps: lillian if you read this before your mail, pls check your mail, gracias)

Basically, as this trip winds down, so does my old life. I want to close the door on it once and for all. It's like I was telling my friend, "I have a lot of things to take care of before I can really start this year." And I will. And it'll be HARD, but worth it? I hope? Say yes?

And so that's that. Well, tomorrow that will be that. Officially. And then I'll be back to LA, the land before time, where the rest of the country is at least an hour ahead of us.

Then again, I would take hearing about who won an Oscar later than everyone else over the 30 degree weather that is ravaging my beautiful body at the moment. Anyone read the forecast? It's fucking 70 degrees over in my hood.

Huh. I so did have somewhere I was going with this post right now, but I have no idea what it was. Perhaps that is a mental hint that I should go eat some of the doughnuts my mom brought home.

E

I Don't Want To Have To Die All Over Again.

2009 is tonight. WTF. I really cannot comprehend it. Another year, done, finito, terminado. I don't have my dress just yet (I'm stopping by HM this afternoon) but I do have the heels (black suede stilettos, totally hot and awesome).

Due to my lack of transportation (I have no car and I live three miles away from the bus station, which is like 45 min walking) and my bf/ex-bf's lack of transpo and my mom's lack of caring, and my lack of friends, I might be sitting in a pretty dress and droolworthy heels alone in my living room, watching a Twilight Zone marathon and guzzling grape soda until I fall into a sugar coma, or fall asleep, whichever comes first.

Or I'll be out all night, making good use of my deodarant by dancing and partying and eating my way to a bigger pants size. I might collapse from exahustion on some stranger's couch with a streamer in my hair and red plastic cup in my hand.

I'm not sure. But what I am sure about is what I'll do next year. I won't settle. I've always settled because I didn't think I could have more. I thought, this is pretty much it. But in the car tonight, my mom told me, "I wish you knew that you deserved more."

I do. I really fucking do. And in 2009, I'm gonna get it.

Happy New Year's Eve ya'll. Take this year out in style and welcome the next one right.

E