Go Hard Or Go Home. I Haven't Been Home Since Birth

(did i mention i love unicorns? no? oh, well i do.)

Ughhh. I wish I could emit an audible sigh over the internet. No wait, nevermind. That kind of sounds like I want to fart over the internet. I don't btw. So you know. But I'm just a little sad. Sarah and Olivia are gone and I really miss them. It was nice to come home to someone saying "hey." And it was nice not to watch TV alone. And to hang out with people who didn't make fun of me or get irritated at me for literally parking myself in front of my laptop and not moving. And I'm gonna miss those Sundays when Sarah would be hungover and drag her pillow and blanket into the living room and sleep the whole day and then wake up at like 8:30pm and just start watching TV and eating. And Olivia's cooking, because it was amazing and she was super nice about the mac & cheese I made (even though I thought it was gross) and she taught me how to eat an artichoke, which tastes weirdgood and requires butter so you know I'm down.

Basically without them here it's just empty silence. I shout at the TV during Tyra and no one laughs. I buy cupcakes and no one goes "Yay!" When I come downstairs no one's fallen alseep in front of the TV. There are no five cheese pizzas in the freezer and no backpack full of cooking supplies in the pantry.

Plus I have been having a few issues in my personal life. Basically, to say I'm ready to get back into dating would be an understatement. Like, soon, really. Throwing all my energy into those skateboarders I see outside in between class isn't doing me any good. Then again, staring them down until they look at me and then looking away probably isn't the best way to go about it.

In any case, I'm fucking tired of being a doormat and a pussy. It's just a bummer that I'm so good at it.

E

If You Wanna Date A Rockstar, You Better Get Used To Falling Off The Stage

Hey internet. Long time no see. Oh what's that? I know, I've missed you too. Yeah, I know. I'll try to be a better friend. You wanna come over and watch American Idol with me next week? Yeah, you can bring some wine. Sure, you can sit in the LaZboy this time. No, I don't mind the floor. Honest.

I wish I could say I say I've been up to some crazy and wiiillld antics and adventures since I last talked to y'all. But I haven't. I started school again and I have a wicked Music In Film class wherein we watch assorted scenes from movies and then discuss the uses of music in them. It's pretty awesome.

Speaking of movies, since I have Showtime, I have been watching some amazing ones, like 10 Items or Less with Paz Vega (luff her) which was spectacular, and Love and Other Disasters with Catherine Tate and Brittany Murphy (in which she tries to be an American with a slight British accent - that's sorta weird), which is totally adorable and cheerful.

I also got my oven/stove fixed. It wasn't turning on or working and I couldn't make brownies! (ohhh noooess) The maintenance man came and looked at it and I expected him to say something dire like it needed to be replaced, but it turns out the pilot wasn't on. So then I felt stupid. But once he left I popped those brownies in there!

And since I have my entire afternoons free after 1pm, I've been trekking over to Silverlake and thrift shopping for homewares. Last time I got a jar for my paintbrushes and some old French fashion mags from the 60s for only 2.00 each! And tomorrow I'm going to look for some furniture! Because I can't sleep in the livingroom forever. Eventually, I'll need a sofa or something. I guess.

I'm also being awesome in my spare time and plotting a hostile world takeover, planning a giant ska/punk warehouse party, trying to get a cat named Fred, and looking to get some acid. (Sarah and I are going to get some, paint our faces, and go trip at Venice Beach. One day...) Did I mention that part about the warehouse party? Really would love to make that happen.

I'll try to be back here as much as possible and in the mean time, my Tumblr is still totally available. As am I.

I'm not really sure what to do this Valentine's day since last year I was in a relationship and it was totally awesome and this year I'm single allz over again. Will someone come over so we can drink ourselves stupid and watch Bridget Jones' Diary?

E

Oh Fuck It, I'm Gonna Have A Party!

I'm at that point where you are so upset/frustrated/hurt/tired that you start laughing. You know, like when you hurt yourself but all you can do is cry...then starting laughing? So I am just gonna say fuck it, I have no boyfriend anymore, no job, no money, I keep getting cuts on my hands from god knows what, and all my clothes are in various stacks on the floor because I have been putting off building this goddamn IKEA dresser, but so what? Fuck it!

I'm gonna party myself silly! Fuck responsibilities, fuck the "real world", fuck heartache! All I need is some Spice Girls and eyeliner! I'm gonna have so much fun...um...I'll have a lot of fun!

I'll party like it's 1987 and I'm as cool as Lisa Turtle! (I always wanted to be her...if acid wash denim sets were back in style I would so rock one, scrunchie, Reeboks and all!)

Sometimes you just have to say fuck it! This is one of those times! Now direct yourself to the Nada Surf video below. Thank you!



E

My Life Can Be Summed Up In Yellow Lights

So, so very close, but never quite there. Gawd...I need a drink. A serious one. I need motivation. I need stability, dependability, practicality...I need to have fun. Even the strongest people have rocks of their own...why do mine keep crumbling? I'm looking for metaphors in everything. I feel ridiculous 99.9% of the time. The other .1% of the time I feel anxious. I'm getting out of bed only to spend my day mentally asleep. I stay busy doing nothing. I make plans that don't follow through so I can have things to look forward to, even if they're disappointments.

I keep cutting my parachute line before I jump. I keep looking for the sun in broad daylight. I keep passing the time by counting the seconds. I keep getting sucked in and consciously making the same mistakes because I hope for a different outcome each time. But that's insanity, right?

Right?

E