Happy Women's Self-Empowerment Week!

Apparently, in between socially oppressing us, limiting our choices when it comes to things that should completely be in our control (y'know, like our bodies and our hormones), telling us what we should look like, and then feeding us one contradiction after another, they gave us a Self-Empowerment Week.

Awww thanks guys. We'll totally sleep with you now that you're really starting to warm up to the struggle. Thanks for seeing our side. And oops, there went my panties!

Personally, I'd like to think I empower myself, regardless of whether society or men or other women (for that matter) are aiding in it or not. I mean, not to say I'm a fucking one woman army or anything, but I do what I want and I'm not so easily going to let someone stand in my way of it. I'm also pretty sure that despite the damsel-in-distress image society constantly pushes on us, we can handle ourselves and be independent. Then again, I forgot that "empowered" means not crying when you break a nail.

Which is stupid, because that shit hurts reeeallly bad! Just thinking about it makes me cringe.

But since the rest of the world decided to acknowledge us poor women we might as well put down the sewing needle and let the cookies burn in the oven right? I think I'm going to take this week to do whatever the fuck I want. And that includes fucking. I'm gonna have a motherfucking ovary party! Hey BOY, get the fuck out of my way! It's my week! Go shave or something. Or maybe make me a martini!

The girls at Jezebel, of course, being twenty million times more witty and smart than I, have way better ideas for how their spending this ONE WEEK.

In addition to bossing around the boy parts in my life, I think I'll also just fuck tampons and pads and bleed my woman juices all over the place! Deal with it!

Omigod just kidding. I'm not a savage. Although it does seem like a funny thing to do when you hate your roommate.

What about you bitches?

E