Once Upon A Time I Was A Nerd

Okay, I still have a little bit of nerd girl in me. Not gonna lie. But I was reminded of this deeply suppressed nerdiness when I was listening to my Zune in the car today. See? I have a Zune. I'm like an alt nerd.

Anyway, it was on shuffle and things were chill until "Shimmy Shimmy Quarter Turn" came on. I haven't listened to Hellogoodbye in like two years. And crazily, I remembered all the lyrics. Like they just came pouring out of me like a foreign language in cadence with the music. It brought back flashbacks of me spending forever on the Drive Thru Records website trying to find a cheap Hellogoodbye tee (ahhh to no avail), and putting "Jesse Buy Nothing... Go to Prom Anyways" on repeat, and then practically frothing at the mouth when I heard there would be a second album. I remember pre-ordering that shit a day late, so I actually got my record the day AFTER it dropped in stores, but getting a color by numbers-style black velvet poster with it. I would campaign for HGB and constantly try to propogate their superiority over other pop/punk bands at the time. I felt my heart drop when I saw their video on MTV, and I almost got into a car wreck dancing to "Touch Down Turnaround."

It was kinda sad, in retrospect. I just wanted to hang out with guys who were nerdy and awesome like that. I wanted to go to Huntington Beach and chill with them, playing trivia at Mexican restaurants and TP-ing people's cars and other stupidly fun things. Like I said, it was sad.



E

Bound For The Floor

Oh my gawd, I used to listen to this song all the time when I was in middle school. My mom didn't buy me any up to date technology till like, everyone but me had it, so I didn't get a CD player until I was in 8th grade. So instead, I turned to my radio since all I had were tapes (and a nice collection at that: Spice Girls, Janet Jackson, the All That soundtrack). Back then everyone was listening to Top 40 stuff but I couldn't get the signal for that station on my tiny little radio, so I listened to the 90s rock station. Basically all through middle school I was obsessed with Local H, AFI, the Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Oasis, Pearl Jam, Nirvana, and the Beastie Boys. I was awesome, but misunderstood, like all the greats. Too bad that hasn't changed. Anyway, start your Thursday the right way with some seminal Local H! They taught me the word copasetic, btw. Now I use it all the time and people give me weird side eyes.



Deuces,
Erika

Notorious Is Super Original

We all remember the ish that went down back in the day when Tupac got assassinated. There wasn't a movie made about it, but they released like 70 albums in his honor. No such musical vigil was crafted upon the death of Biggie. In that absence, a few (or some, or a whole crew of, who knows) people got together, did some research with Big's mom, and then chose a kid who looked like lil Big. And then they held these auditions. And then they made this trailer.



I don't know about you, but I'm "hypnotized."

Deuces,
Erika

Pants: The Antichrist

I found this in my My Documents folder. It was written a long time ago, but had never been uncovered since the original time of entry since my Microsoft Word trial period expired and I never bought the program...until now. So here you go ladies. Let's see how much you wanna wear pants now!

Oh, and on an unrelated note, I accidentally told my boyfriend that I got an offer to start blogging for Missbehave. Then tonight, while talking to him and musing that I felt like I had nothing on which to focus my energy. He said, "What about your writing on Missbehave?" Ai-ya.

Read on:

"I Hate Pants" by Erika - written 1/4/2008

For some odd reason, my place is always way too cold in the winter. Don’ t get me wrong; I’m not Sherri Shepard or anything; I know winter equals hellaciously chilly weather, especially in places like Canada and Rhode Island where it’s winter like, 24/7. Gawd…if I moved up there and opened a cute winter-wear store with like, oh, I don’t know, Bedazzled knit caps and embroidered gloves and shit, man, I would be so rich, dude…But I digress. I thought the whole point of having a place of shelter was so you could live in a climate unlike the one around you. If it’s balls hot outside you want to go inside and cool off. The same is true in the winter. If the nerdy guy on the Weather Channel says it’s like, thirty degrees (ten with the wind chill) outside, I want to be living in sweet, sweet warmth. Ha! unto those who did not purchase sufficient heating/cooling systems. Everyone knows Kenmore is a scam. I should be able to walk around like it’s the middle of flippin’ April in this bitch, not have to cover up in four or five layers of wool and cotton. That’s for those poor saps waiting at the bus stop. In keeping with the aforementioned mindset, it’s not incomprehensible that I should traipse around my house wearing a shirt and leggings. (I make compromises, though, homie. I wear a sweater and socks. Can you even imagine how hard that is for me?) Even then, I’m still past the point of freezing and when I complain about it, like I so easily and always do, my mother tells me to put on pants. Que?! I shouldn’t have to put on pants in my own house! And let it be known that I don’t wear pants not because I feel ugly or weird in them, but because I just don’t flippin’ like pants! The idea of wearing them all the time everyday is second nature to me. And not second nature in the whole “I’m an Olympic diver because swimming is second nature to me” kind of way. It’s like the “I went to Mexico and ended up with a bottle of Valium and food poisoning because Spanish is second nature to me.” Hmmm. In saying that, I feel I may have used the term “second nature” incorrectly, but screw it at this point. What I’m really trying to say, in retrospect, ain’t all that important, but to me, pants are a sign of restriction, i.e. they restrict me from enjoying the nice and casual looking “Crisscross Applesauce” sitting position. Not to mention they’re hella hard to wear sans belt. Try bending down innocently to pick up that Post-It note from the floor and realizing that the entirety of the world can see your cherry colored Thursday panties. (And oh yes, it’s a Monday.) In other words, I like to eschew pants as much as possible. Give me a figure flattering cotton shift from H & M over a pair of “raw” jeans from Cheap Monday any day. We can’t all be size twos. Thus, we cannot all wear jeans. Honestly, this point is becoming more and more moot the longer I bitch about it, so I shall leave you with this pro-anti-jean slogan: Jeans are for losers. (Alright, so I’m not a slogan machine.)

Deuces,
Erika

Lost Nickelodeon Gems

I spent a good bit of my childhood years with my eyes glued to Nickelodeon. I loved books, but my mom dropped me off at my grandmother's house a lot and I didn't have a way to transfer the books to a different location. So I watched TV instead. Or beat up my little cousin. But those are different stories for another day. Funnily enough, Nickelodeon used to be a legitimate entertainment source. Back in the days before Zoey 101, Spongebob Squarepants, or iCarly, Nick was pretty fucking cool. So I decided to put together a list of Nick's coolest (and sadly, forgotten) television shows. Rugrats isn't on this list, although it was the cutest and coolest cartoon and I watched it from its '91 inception to about '02, but it went on to get weighed down by new characters and corrupted by lame movies and spinoff series'. Anyway, this is the list. Feel free to add your own since it's been a minute since these shows have even been on.

1. The Mystery Files of Shelby Woo: This show was the shit. First, there was an Asian family on Nickelodeon and they had more depth than the fam from that Jackie Chan cartoon. Plus Mr. Miyagi was the grandfather and Shelby solved crimes! She was like the Asian Nancy Drew. She was...Shelby Woo!

2. All That: Do I need to explain how this show was cool? It was originally marketed as an "SNL for kids" and everything was super copasetic and hella funny until the cast started changing and Kenan Thompson, Kel Mitchell, Lori Beth Denberg, and Amanda Bynes left and then, um, Nick Cannon joined the show...but I'll always remember the "Cooking with Chocolate," "Ask Ashley," Repairman," and "Vital Information" skits. Did you know the theme song was sung by TLC? Back in the day, I had the soundtrack on cassette. Actually, let me go find that tape...

3. Are You Afraid of the Dark?: My mom actually wouldn't let me watch this show until I was seven because of the Y-7 logo that came up, but I used to sneak episodes in when she wasn't around. It scared the shit out of me, espesh the opening scenes when the Midnight Society would come and set up the story they were about to tell. I had mad nightmares from that shit though.

4. Clarissa Explains It All: One word: rad. Oh wait, three words: rad as fuck. Melissa Joan Hart was amazing as Clarissa and she always wore the coolest clothing (well for the mid 90s anyway) and I used to love when she would stop the scene and draw words and pictures. But I hated that Ferguson!

5. AAAHHH! Real Monsters!: If ever Nick dabbled in the dark and macabre, this show was it. It was about monsters who attended some kind of monster academy, taught by this super spastic, super flamboyant schoolteacher who wore chaps and boots, but as far as I can remember, no shirt. There was a smart girl, a red guy with an oddly high voice, and a short dude that held his eyeballs. It was quirky and creepy and yet still amazingly childlike.

6. Gullah Gullah Island: This show was on really early in the morning, but it was cool because it was fun education. I learned sharing was caring, honesty was the best policy, and how to tiedye a shirt at home. Plus it had a cool theme song and it was set on a fake island! Really, it was set on St Helena Island off the coast of SC.

7. Rocko's Modern Life: The shit. Obvi, the epitome of children's adult programming. It was full of sex jokes that didn't even make a little sense until I was older, but I loved Philbert the turtle and Heiffer the cow. Plus they lived in O-Town. The innuendos were limitless. My mom works at a company like Conglom-O, but Ed Bighead doesn't own it.

8. Taina: This show was on a little later, but I loved it. One of the few shows to feature a Latina lead, it was original and exciting and had attitude. Plus she went to a performing arts school and had wicked cool friends that got her into crazy shit. She paved the way for the craziness that ensues/d in That's So Raven, which sucks/ed btw.

Do you guys know of any I missed? Some up for honorable mention were Animorphs, The Secret World of Alex Mack, Hey Dude!, What Would You Do?, Double Dare, and Hey Arnold! Man, I will always love TV.

Deuces,
Erika

Labor Day Throwback Video

Just an awesome video for your Labor Day enjoyment! No matter what happens to Mimi, or how many silly marriages she has, I'll always remember her like this. When this video came out, I was watching TV at my friends' apartment. I didn't even know what MTV was. Almost a decade later, this song is still dope, even if the clothes aren't!



Happy Labor Day bitches! Now get back to work!

Deuces,
Erika

This Week On The Music Front

Ugh, it's Sunday. Normally this would make me so bored and stir crazy I would want to scoop out my eyeballs and eat them with fava beans, but with all the shit that went down this week, this Sunday was a godsend. Plus I definitely had things to look forward to today.

This was a more interesting week for music, Lollapalooza actually notwithstanding. Although it did provide good amounts of interesting stories, pictures, and a big cup of Chi-town haterade for me to sip on. Here's the rundown on everything.

TTFN & CUL8R BYOP

Yes it's true kiddos. Be Your Own Pet is no more. You feel like the longer you pay attention to music, its scene, and the outcome, these kinds of things should not bother you anymore. But as I have followed BYOP since their inception and own all but one of their LPs, CDs, and EPs, this really gets me. Some say it was because they were running into issues with their Get Awkward release, namely censorship problems, but some blamed it on their signing to a big label, Universal, or because they pulled out of the Warped Tour lineup. Whatever it was, it does mean that Jemina and Co. aren't starting any more food fights, telling bitches to leave, or kicking ass at the Dude Zone anytime soon. *Tear slowly rolls down cheek* I hear there are going to be some spinoff bands but NOTHING will be like BYOP. Thank god I got to see them when they opened up for the Arctic Monkeys two years ago.

NME TRIES TO TELL THE US WHY WE'RE COOL AGAIN

This ish went down like tranqqued up grizzly from a treelimb. According to NME, we (America) were cool once, then stopped being cool, and now, thanks to 25 new bands, are offish cooler than the other side of the pillow. And while the editors can acknowledge that we have an underground scene like no other, these bands (read:the ones they picked randomly out of assrtd issues of Paste, Fader, Spin, and Filter) are suddenly making us really legit again. Because uh yeah, before Vampire Weekend, we were just a wasteland. This is the list of bands. Try not to get too angry. Or maybe get angry, and go tell other people what you think:

01 Vampire Weekend

02 Lil Wayne

03 Glass Candy

04 Kings Of Leon

5 MGMT

06 Spank Rock

07 TV On The Radio

08 Boy Crisis

09 Black Kids

10 Holy Ghost Revival

11 The Hold Steady

12 Fleet Foxes

13 Amazing Baby

14 Jay Reatard

15 HEALTH

16 The Cool Kids

17 Black Lips

18 Yo Majesty

19 White Denim

20 Telepathe

21 Iglu and Hartly

22 Chester French

23 Girl Talk
24 TheDeathSet

25 Grace Jones

Like, rly? Girl Talk is that far down? And White Denim? And TVOtR wasn't making us cool back when they actually put out an album? Glass Candy certainly deserves to be that high on the list, but, who put this ish together?

CHESTER FRENCH TALKS TO ME IN WARM, FRIENDLY TONES

I left a comment on Stereogum dealing with all this NME nonsense. Here it is, in full verbatim fashion:

Firstly, good music really is just that. Good music. It comes from Britain and America AND the rest of the UK. Like, Frightened Rabbit are amazing and they're Scottish. Oh yeah, and it DEFINITELY comes from Canada. Stars? The Guest Bedroom? Pony Up? Yes please! Oh yeah, and the Leeds music scene is killing it right now. It deserves something of a recognition since it somehow manages to create a barrier against the shitty typical shetpile of the normal music scene. Oh yeah, and Los Campesinos! Yes please! But keep in mind that NME is the equivalent of a fifteen year old's self published zine. It's whatever music they like...uh,and whoever's show they have a press badge for. I met the dude in TheDeathSet...that band is like Australian. And why are Black Kids and VW so high on that list...because they sound British? Glass Candy pwns and so does Jay Reatard and the Black Lips. But NME did acknowledge that there is a significant underground scene in NY and LA (although those of Philly, Chicago, Atlanta, and Seattle are equally noteworthy), they just choose to ignore it. Whatev. Americans may have had their fill of these bands (Chester French...sigh, whatev), but they're like still hitting the other side of the pond, no? Like Pokemon! But not with Japan, with the UK...okay, so not like Pokemon.

Then I checked my email. I received this message from DA Wallach of Chester French. First I got worried. I get in too much trouble for the things I say on the internet. When that happens, I take a deep breath and ask myself, "What would Sarah Morrison do?" This time I didn't have to:

Hey Erika-

I saw your comment on the stereogum blog where you mention our group, Chester French. I hope no one's had their fill of us yet, since the album isn't even out, but I definitely want to win you as a fan. If you send me your mailing address back I'll mail you a special edition package of our single and shall be sure to get you a copy of the album when it finally sees the light of day! Hope you're having a great weekend.

D.A.

Normally I'd get psuedo-frustrated for people taking the things I say too seriously, but this guy was just tooooo sweet to get angry at. That's Chester French for you, I guess.

All up in ur emale, leevin u messagez.

NEW VIVIAN GIRLS SONG

Someone actually compared them to a crappier version of the Pipettes. I hope she never goes on to have a music journalism career. If she does, it will probably be writing for NME. The Vivian Girls are hot awesomeness from Brooklyn. They're an all girl band that makes muddy and/or raw rock music. It's great. They're great. They just released a new song from their S/T LP called "Where Do You Run To?" and it's sort of good. Play it on a cool, sunny Autumn day, enjoy your tea, and try to figure out the fastest way to get that still sleeping one night stand out of your bed and into a taxi. Uhhh..."I know it's eight in the morning on a Wednesday, but I have to go to church now..."

Vivian Girls: "Where Do You Run To?"

As you can see, it's obvi been a busy week for everyone. In other news (ION is going to be the new abreev for that saying, so you know for future ref), Jessica Fletcher's badass friend Mistress Viviane has a new column going on Single Scoop about "the realities of sex." It's really good and worth reading, because we've all had these bedroom bafflers at least once.

And in case you missed it, Adult Swim ran an Old School night on Friday where they showed old episodes of the shows that originally made AS so fantastic: Sealab 2021, The Brak Show, Home Movies, Space Ghost, etc. What is even more fantastic is that I remember all of those shows. Mid 90's born Hannah Montana tweens? You ain't got shit on me! It was also V's birthday on Friday, the 1st of Aug, so Alex, if you catch my girl on the streets, take her by the hand and buy her a cupcake. Jess Fletch can surely recommend you some good places to go. And now the "p" key on my laptop is stuck. Great.

eace easy eo le,

Erika

You Got A Cameltoe

Oh. Mah. Gawd. This song used to be the only song I listened to for about 28723567 days in a row. Actually, I first saw this video on TRL, y'know back when Damien, La La, and Quddus used to host it, if that gives you an idea how long ago that was.

I'm pretty sure this song put Fannypack on the map. If you didn't know, Fannypack is this girl group from BK that makes really rad club bangers. This song is off their album So Stylistic, which is way better than the follow up See You Next Tuesday. Anyway, just let this be a reminder that not everything has to be tucked in.

"Cameltoe"

As If!

Right now I am watching Clueless on Bravo. The television adaptation was bullshit. This is perhaps the defining movie of my generation. I love it. As soon as I saw it back in the day, I tried to start saying "As if" all the time. Sadly, for me, it never caught on. Regardless, I have adapted to saying "like" as every other word, so I'm almost there.

Even like ten years later, this movie is still relevant. The rhetoric and the dialog is still as sharp as ever. I loved Brittany Murphy in this movie, till she became a mean bitch. Also Amber had terrible fashion sense. And in what century was there a class for debate?



It's like, totally whatever.

Deuces,
Erika

Bring The Blow, Bring The Noise!

I forgot this song existed too! I'm going to have start a feature on songs I used to blast back in the day.

Back when I was still in the pussyfooting stage with my boyfriend, I heard this song. You know that stage, when you're good friends with a dude and you're dropping hints that you want to get serious but just not sure if the dude feels the same way about you...that's the pussyfooting stage.

In '06, the Blow came out with Paper Televisions. I heard this song on the radio, and became intrigued.

Anyway, I listened to this song hours on end. It was my jam. I sang to it constantly. It fit my situation perfectly because we were five years apart and he lived in East Atlanta while I lived in the suburbs. We eventually got it together, and this song got me through it.

Every time I sing to this song I tear up.

"True Affection"



Added bonus:

The Blow: "True Affection"

Rannnnnndommmmmm

I have a Myspace. It's right here. I don't really talk with friends on it (because I have a Blackberry that texts AND makes outgoing calls) and I got it when I was like fourteen. Anyway, when I was in high school, an old friend and I had terrible falling out involving some internet slander, canceled plans, immature name calling, and a few hate emails.

So today I actually logged onto my Myspace and saw a message from her. I hadn't heard from this chick in forever. She said she was sorry about how everything ended and just wanted to talk about things. You know what they say, the internet makes you braver.

I was shocked, but also touched. I messaged her back and we spoke awhile about how things were and could be. We're not best friends all over again, but at least we're on amiable terms again. It's nice to be able to make amends and clear up all of the things we were too childish to see.

We're different people now, and everything's coming together. Just goes to show you that no matter how long it's been since you talked to an old friend, you can always rekindle a spark, an ember, something.

Makes me happy inside.

Deuces,
Erika

Like, Ahhhhhh!!!!

Guess who's coming to the Gwinnett Arena?

New Kids On the Block.

Ahhhhh!!! *Cue school girls screaming, holding up handmade posters and wearing self-made shirts declaring themselves Mrs. Jordan Knight.*

Buy tickets here.


They are cheaper than Kanye's.

Kthxbai.

Deuces,
Erika