"are you already drunk? wait, were you drunk when you got here?"

soooo i got tagged by sarah to do this survey and so i guess i will now. i've never been good with introductions which is probably why 90% of LA has deemed me un-dateable. i will say though that it's nice to get back in the groove of talking to you guys. so what do we do now? hug? campfire stories? french braid each other's hair and chew gum? buy zimas and pretend it's 1999 again? i'm confused. whatevskis. oh also, i don't tag anyone else because i don't know anyone who would actually do this thing that hasn't already so i guess you guys can just read it and pray to your deity of choice that you don't live inside this mind o' mine.

What is your current obsession? food!
What are you wearing right now? burgundy leggings and my ex's van's hoodie
Who was the last person you hugged? my cool new friend sydney jane! she is bombawesome and she gave me a gift card to trader joes!
If you were a tree, what tree would you be? weeping willow. have you ever sat under one of those things? shade and coolness for DAYS.
What’s for dinner? pasta. again.
What was the last thing you bought? antibiotics
What are you listening to right now? "i don't wanna die" by the unicorns
What is your favourite weather? ummmm...the kind that is warm enough for shorts but cold enough for tights. make sense?
What’s on your beside table? my bedside is a stack of magazines. so there is an alarm clock, two pill bottles, and an empty soda can on my bedside stack of magazines.
Say something to the person/s who tagged you. sarah, you are amazing. v, we need to hang out soon! LA is severely missing our presence!
If you could have a house totally paid for, fully furnished anywhere in the world, where would you want it to be? italy.
Where are you typing from right now? my living room.
A book you're currently reading? to be someone by louise voss. sarah lent it to me.
What would you like to have in your hands right now? a lot of fucking money. and maybe chocolate. but somewhere cold. i don't really want it melting in my hands. who made these questions?
What is your favourite tea flavour? lemon
What did you eat for breakfast? a homemade chocolate chip waffle and three slices of pizza
What did you want to become as a child? private eye. i watched a lot of cop/detective shows when i was younger.
What is your fantasy? to own a cherry red keytar with a zebra print strap. oh yessss.

am i done? is that it? i can leave and you'll call me if you're interested? alright. bye.

E

cookies on dowels, mole men, and camp as far as the eye can see

i am thisclose to just shutting this shit down and turning do it at the disco into WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU GUYS ADULT SWIM?! similar to my whyladygagawhy website. i enjoy common themes. have you checked out my art?

anywayssss i just want to talk things out. let's look at the current shows. alright family guy (cool, down with that), robot chicken (it's starting to brown at the edges but it still remains consistent, i will give it that), tim and eric: awesome show great job (NEVER EVER EVER GO AWAY. tim and eric are my spirit animals. seriously. the yin to my batshit yang), venture bros (i can deal with this show. i used to watch it back in the day when i could follow the storyline and things were looking UP!), and aqua teen hunger force (this show has been repeatedly making my nights hilarious and awesome since like 2005). so we've established that these things in the lineup are GOOD. smiley faces all over them. if this were a test paper, i'd be making it rain A pluses EVERYWHERE.

and let us not forget our fallen heroes! frisky dingo (the production company 70/30 closed it's doors early this year so no new frisky or sealab 2021 EVERS AGAINS! for anybody!), harvey birdman (i am soooo fucking serious when i say me and this show were destined to be together forever. like nobody's business i loved harvey birdman), and the oblongs (OG goodness for your SOUL), AND 12 oz mouse (seriously that chill mouse and that big eye made my 5ams time and time and time again). old shows, miss you like my childhood...


BUTTTT what is going on with these new shows? xavier: renegade angel? superjail? i hate to put the kibosh on your smiling sunshiney faces but i'm going to have to ask you to slip these into some padded manila envelopes and return to sender. someone told me these shows are for acid heads. that's a pretty sweet suggestion, but until someone can ship me some LSD i'm gonna need you guys to put these away. far away. into a lockbox maybe? lose the key.

and in the spirit of new shows, i wanna thank you guys for look around you. it's awesome. 100 percent grade A CAMP. i have a soft spot in my hearts for the late 70s/early 80s. you punched me right in my loving aortas with that show. (in that vein, can we maybe rethink putting saul of the mole men back on the air? the CAMP in that show fills my sweet spot everytime) i also want to props you up for delocated. the writing on that show is IMPECCABLE you guys. seriously. i want to give you all handjobs for it. i'm sorry, i meant to say, shake your hands. WITH MY MOUTH. whatever, i love that show. don't ever let it die like my pet fish in 7th grade. goldie hawn, noooo...

so whatevskis adult swim. basically i like what you're doing for the most part. but don't start slacking on your quality! you guys have been the reason i stay up till 1am when i have a 6am class for as long as i can remember. and choose to remember. i rep atl just for you guys. stay ill. holler at me when you want a witty contributor to contribute to, um, whatever witty people contribute to. you can pay me under the table, in single bills, action figures, and headshots of brendon smalls. our love is like that tarzan disney movie. you'll be in my heart, phil collins style. or maybe tom collins style. i haven't decided how many references i want to make in this post. i'll probably come out around however many make me sound knowledgeable, but not douchey. this is the internet, and i must never be douchey.

E

Erika Explains It All

I'm starting a journal you guys. It's gonna be e-mazing! Get that joke? Awwwesooommme! I've decided to write an entry every day until I'm 21 and then I'm going to look back on it and sigh and be embarrassed and think less of my younger self, probably.

That's it. Yep. Sorry, this hasn't been one of my best posts but um, yep. I don't really have an explanation. Blogger FAIL.

Deuces,
Erika

"Hey Erika, You Wanna Go Have Sex In The Bathroom With Me?"

Ugh, I'm sick. Gross. I think I might have a cold, but it won't make a difference since they won't give me time off at work. But that's just retarded, because I will get everyone sick in the process of their making money. Coworkers...customers...maybe I'll get my managers sick so they see how serious this is. Goals are good.

At Amoeba last Friday I found some old Joan Rivers standup in the clearance vinyl bin. I also got the prerequisite Barbra records. When I was at the counter, the clerk saw the Joan Rivers record and said, "I forgot she did standup!" And I said, "Yeah, it was a long time ago. You can tell because her face looks relatively normal." Earlier that Friday Shmarah was showing me how the website works. Then she said something about how Shmam is 34 and I'm 18. And I thought to myself, "Oh my god, there's a whole Olivia between us!"

Last night my boyfriend was talking about moving in with my mom, which is super weird. But my mom has practically adopted him anyway, so it might not be weird after all. I told him, "tell me if you move into my room so I can make sure to put up yellow CAUTION tape around everything." At work my retarded boss was telling me how America is functioning because of the hardworking people in it. He showed me how to put a crease tag on pants and then said that dedication is making America great. I went to my coworker and asked if she was creasing pants. She said "no." I told her, "You're ruining America!"

On Friday in my stupid people math class, we're discussing this kid who sometimes talks to us named Roger. Last time we all spoke Roger informed us that he only liked hooking up with girls but hated relationships, which I thought was odd because he'd never been in one. So on Friday he wasn't there. My friend Eddy was like, "I can't imagine him getting girls just for sex. I think he would be one of those people who's mad if you don't have sex with them." Then he turned to me. "Erika, how would you feel if he just said, 'Hey Erika, you wanna go have sex in the bathroom with me, really quickly?'" I said, "I think I would be a little scared." He said, "A little?!""

To get out of my depressed state of being, I've been listening to Fleetwood Mac, which sounds counterproductive, but is actually nice. My ringtone is "Sabotage" by the Beastie Boys. I was sitting in my room when my phone went off in the middle of "Landslide." I picked it up and informed my bf that it had scared me because I was just listening to music when it rang. He asked me what I was going listening to Fleetwood Mac. I said, "Mourning." Recently, the school's wi-fi was out. My roommate Melissa and I were in our room with nothing to do. She said she needed to iron her dress. Because I had nothing better to do, I offered to iron it. I said, "This is what I have for entertainment now when there's no internet. What am I supposed to do next, churn butter?!"

I hope next weekend is less sucky than this one.

Deuces,
Erika

Lower Learning

That's right, Erika's going back to the movies. This time it's after work so I'm like praying this one doesn't suck because then my day will be a complete fail. But I don't think it will, because it looks fucking hilarious!

So Lower Learning is about this fucked up elementary school with this crazy ass principal who doesn't care about the kids' education or feelings. Then some Board of Ed lady comes in and wants to fix it but it's like school v principal. That's a terrible explanation, I know. But Will Sasso, Jason Biggs, Eva Longoria, and Rob Cordry are in it. It turns out Sasso and Cordry were at the theatre for this meet and greet thing last night so all the shows were sold out, obvi. Anyway, watch the trailer, peep the goodness, and then feel really bad that we don't hang out and thus cannot come with me to see this. Okay, great!



Deuces,
Erika

Hey, Here's Some Things That'll Occupy Your Time!

Glurgh, I have to be at work all day today. If you have a decent, God fearing job that lets you work full time or does not pay you a $/hr type wage, chances are you have today off. Cheers. Luckily for me, I fucked myself over with this class schedule and thus can only work part-time, which inevitably calls for weekends. I swurr, next semester I'm going to get right.

Anyways, since I'll be at work from 1230 till 9 I won't be here to update you precious people out there on the inner trappings of my life and mind. And since V and I are supposed to be LA'in it after I get off work, I basically won't be near my lappy all day. So I'll try and satiate you guys with some random things that don't add up to a legit-ly cohesive blog post but are interesting enough and kinda cool.

1. Did you know that in Alaska, some people call a really basic lamp a bitch? Yeah, neither did I until my English Comp Professor gave us this weird/cool word connotation essay and we started doing research. I guess there are more bitches in Alaska than I thought!

2. Sleeping In The Aviary has a new single out. Here you go.

3. Does anybody remember Cool Kid? Oh wait, sry, I should explain. Cool Kid is what I call that kid, whose name is Eduardo (Eddie for short), when I'm talking about him to other people, like my boyfriend, who is always telling me, "I don't want you hanging out with Cool Kid!" And then we laugh. Anyway Cool Kid is only 17 yrs old! How intense is that? Once I found out I was confused and disappointed at the same time. I wanted to fuck that boy, not statutorily rape him. Oh well...and there goes the dream...

4. I am trying to eat healthier these days. Rly I am. Today I had watermelon instead of...ummm...the stale cookies in the pantry, and last night I had oranges even though they tasted really shitty. I think that's because they were a day old when I ate them. Oh well. And I have been eating corn out of the can. It's fantastic. Sadly I am still a fatty moocow so in conjunction with eating healthier, I will be buying bigger clothing. No fail weight loss!

5. My one year anniversary is coming up in December. It sort of hit me suddenly, because I have never been one to dwell on anniversaries, mostly because I find them to be silly and unnecessary. But then again, I have never been with the same person for a year, so this is kind of a big deal. My boyfriend and I love Band of Horses. He bought me the LP for Christmas. "No One's Gonna Love You" is our song. It's dorky, I know. His anniversary present for me, aside from something material (gawwwd I hope he got that hint for new perfume!!!) is tickets to see Band of Horses when they come to the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta. It will be amazing, obvi.

6. On the note of anniversaries, I had a friend in high school who not only discouraged me from getting involved with my boyfriend, but constantly yammered on about her relationship. Her age difference was 4 yrs. Mine was 5. She celebrated anniversaries for each month and bragged to me that her boyfriend did this, her boyfriend said that: "Oh well my boyfriend has a car, yours doesn't, and my boyfriend doesn't smoke around me, but when I saw yours he was smoking and drinking pretty heavily." I never got to say what I wanted back to her because a) I'm not one to brag shit up like that. When good things happen to me, I keep them to myself or tell people who care, and b) we graduated before I could say something. But guess what bitch? My boyfriend is buying a car so he can be the one to pick me up from the airport at Christmastime. And he quit smoking. And he only drinks 2 beers max these days. He's smart, responsible, and likes me for my ass AND my brain, not just because I'm a mindless twat who looks cute because she has the face of a 12 year old, the maturity of a 15 year old, and the conservative judgment of a 40 year old. Well I feel better!

7. Along with the fabulous Mz. Sullivan, Baby Sinead, and the other people in the Top Blogger competition, I am happy to say that I too will be blogging over at Missbehave in the near future. I was afraid to say anything, too worried about jinxing it, but after talking to Shmarah, it is pretty much confirmed.

8. I ordered that uber fab Princess of the Posse sweater today. For Lolita Hazed's pleasure, as well as mine, I will be taking photos of it upon arrival.

9. Apparently, a "fat tire" is a type of beer. I had no idea. I guess it is good? I've never had it, obvi. I'm a microbrew type of girl. Call me elitist and snobby all you want, but Pabst tastes like sewer water and Guinness tastes like rubbing alcohol. Sidenote: don't ever drink Guinness while eating an old doughnut. Obvi you know better, but I did not.

10. I just like even numbers. Oh, and download this song. I'm uber nice and don't mind sharing, so I hooked myself up with a zShare account so I could share this amazingpants song with you guys! It's my favorite track off Neptune City and I love it not only because I happened to hear it when I was stuck in traffic in Hollywood and it fit the scene so perfectly, but also because of the lyrics: "I've been taken too far/ I cracked when I tried to press my luck/ Hoping you would come pick me up" Gawdddd, I so feel like Nicole Atkins gets me.

Ciao!

Deuces,
Erika

Inspiration: Absolutely Fabulous

Um, who doesn't love Absolutely Fabulous? If you don't, I don't want to know you. Oh, and if you've been living in a nasty black underground bubble that has prohibited you from learning anything of the outside world for over a decade, allow me to cue you in to the genius that is AbFab. You have Edina (Eddy), the flamboyant, wild haired drama queen who's supposedly working in PR but is basically rich off alimony payments, who hates her ex-husband and mother, loves pills and drugs of any kind, and over exaggerates everything from her movements to her wardrobe. Then you have Patsy, the young-in-mind chain smoker who usually has her platinum blond hair in an expert twist. She was born to a hippie mother and never knew her father. She's an advocate of younger men, liquor, face lifts, and picking fights in Eddy's defense. Add to that mix Saffron (Saffy), Edina's normal, plain, "dull as dishwater" daughter who's desperate to move into her university's residence halls to escape the hell that is her home, where she must take care of Edina, endure daily criticisms and vitriolic comments from Patsy, and help her grandmother. Basically, Eddy and Patsy get into the most ridiculous adventures, hatch the craziest schemes, and constantly try to prove to those around them that they are as absolutely fabulous as they believe themselves to be.

So you see, if you're not watching this show, you should be. It still airs on BBC America and you can actually find episodes on VHS for very little, or buy seasons on DVD for equally affordable prices. But all that background knowledge is just so you can adequately enjoy the fashion collage I put together with these lovely and fab ladies in mind! This one is inspired by Eddy, just so you know. Enjoy!



Deuces,
Erika

Girl Cut In Two

Since Young People Fucking is no longer playing in theatres (but will be on DVD October 14), and I needed something to appease my distraught little heart, I'm going to see this tonight. I'm not really one for subtitled films since they require you to pay so much attention to the movie, but being the Francophile I am, I cannot refuse a good French film. Peep the trailer below, agree with me, then become insanely jealous that we are not extremely good friends with each other's phone numbers so I am unable to text or call you to invite you to come with. Au revior!

"Girl Cut In Two"


Sorry if this trailer doesn't have subtitles, but the one that does is on the IMDB. Of course, that version can't be embedded. Whatevs. Intrigue and murder have no language barriers!

Deuces,
Erika

Weird Things Erika Says

Anyone who knows me well pretty much knows that aside from very rare ocassions, there is basically no filter from my brain to my mouth. I tend to say anything, anytime, usually for no real reason. I'm thinking of making this a daily feature, since I always say at least one weird thing a day. Maybe, maybe not. But for now, let's take a look back at weird shit I've said in the past.

"You make me so mad I wish I could grow a million fists and then punch you with all of them."

"I didn't pay ten dollars to stare at the backs of dudes' heads, I paid ten dollars to see some naked women!"

"She looked like the grown up version of those scary little pageant girls."

"I'm convinced the place where she used to live didn't have doors, it just had open walkways, because she doesn't know how to close a door without slamming it."

"We're going to the park. Oh, um, nevermind, no we're not. I'm going to commit suicide instead."

"Your toothpaste smells like ham."

"Can you mail me some quarters so I can do my laundry?"

"I don't know the Heinrich Manuever!"

"You choked into my glass of water!"

"Well you could have at least asked me something exciting, like 'Are you hungry?'"

"The dentist was drilling my teeth forever. It sounded like an Animal Collective song."

"Hurricane Ike is a gas killer!"

"That dog is a hypochondriac!"

"I like candy corn. It tastes like sugar and wax."

Deuces,
Erika