Being Poor CAN Be Funny

We were talking about minimum wage and living conditions these days in my English class today. Instead of super analyzing and getting mad intellectual, we just ended up swapping stories from our past min wage jobs.

This one is my favorite. This dude named Juan told it to us and we were all cracked up for a good five minutes straight.

"I had this job once where I had to wear a suit. So I bought one and the motherfucker paid me less than the suit."

This just in: poor, even now, can still be funny.

E

Sometimes Life Is Shitty And Things Are Funny And You Leave It At That

A veteran Scrabble player will spot the OSTRICH option.

Deuces,
Erika

Drop Dead Gorgeous

Um, I kind of forgot that this was the best movie ever. I almost wish pageants were like this. But, then again, maybe in the Midwest, they are. I also happen to love movies shot like documentaries, like Best in Show or For Your Consideration. They seem funnier than normal movies. Oh and plus I totally learned my Minnesota accent from this movie. Sometimes, when I get really excited, I start going, "Oh crayup, oh crayup!" And did I mention that I know own this movie? Yeah, I found it at Amoeba for like 1.99. Um, so you guys can come over and watch it anytime. We can follow it up with my newly acquired Spice World.

Deuces,
Erika

FTP!

So a few days ago, Wendy, my coworker and resident Mexicano amiga, taught me this super cool phrase: FTP.

I was like, "What does that mean?"

She was like, "Fuck that puta." Which basically means fuck that bitch in English. Her super gangsta fifth grade cousin taught it to her. So...we're afraid our children will be learning about same sex marriage in school, but not super expletive-y words? Huh.

But! I've found that you can use this phrase just about anywhere, for anything. Like when a piece of paper fell on the ground and Wendy didn't pick it up, I said, "Don't FTP that paper!" Or when someone does something stupid, you can say, "FTP that fool." It's like LOL or LMAO or even ROTFL, if you want to go that far. Basically, it's all I've been saying. Now you too should use it because you'll be in like Flynn with your Latino hermanas and hermanos.

FTP homies, FTP.

Deuces,
Erika

Lower Learning

That's right, Erika's going back to the movies. This time it's after work so I'm like praying this one doesn't suck because then my day will be a complete fail. But I don't think it will, because it looks fucking hilarious!

So Lower Learning is about this fucked up elementary school with this crazy ass principal who doesn't care about the kids' education or feelings. Then some Board of Ed lady comes in and wants to fix it but it's like school v principal. That's a terrible explanation, I know. But Will Sasso, Jason Biggs, Eva Longoria, and Rob Cordry are in it. It turns out Sasso and Cordry were at the theatre for this meet and greet thing last night so all the shows were sold out, obvi. Anyway, watch the trailer, peep the goodness, and then feel really bad that we don't hang out and thus cannot come with me to see this. Okay, great!



Deuces,
Erika

Take On Me...Literally

Um this is brilliant. Dustin McLean is a music and filmmaker who does animation for Current TV. I want to know him, because he is obvi a genius. This is what it would be like if the song accurately matched the video. He's singing it, by the way. Note how he too can hit the high notes. I can't wait until he takes on a more ridiculous video...maybe "Modern Drummer?"



Everyone always beats me to the good ideas.

Deuces,
Erika

Hey, Here's Some Things That'll Occupy Your Time!

Glurgh, I have to be at work all day today. If you have a decent, God fearing job that lets you work full time or does not pay you a $/hr type wage, chances are you have today off. Cheers. Luckily for me, I fucked myself over with this class schedule and thus can only work part-time, which inevitably calls for weekends. I swurr, next semester I'm going to get right.

Anyways, since I'll be at work from 1230 till 9 I won't be here to update you precious people out there on the inner trappings of my life and mind. And since V and I are supposed to be LA'in it after I get off work, I basically won't be near my lappy all day. So I'll try and satiate you guys with some random things that don't add up to a legit-ly cohesive blog post but are interesting enough and kinda cool.

1. Did you know that in Alaska, some people call a really basic lamp a bitch? Yeah, neither did I until my English Comp Professor gave us this weird/cool word connotation essay and we started doing research. I guess there are more bitches in Alaska than I thought!

2. Sleeping In The Aviary has a new single out. Here you go.

3. Does anybody remember Cool Kid? Oh wait, sry, I should explain. Cool Kid is what I call that kid, whose name is Eduardo (Eddie for short), when I'm talking about him to other people, like my boyfriend, who is always telling me, "I don't want you hanging out with Cool Kid!" And then we laugh. Anyway Cool Kid is only 17 yrs old! How intense is that? Once I found out I was confused and disappointed at the same time. I wanted to fuck that boy, not statutorily rape him. Oh well...and there goes the dream...

4. I am trying to eat healthier these days. Rly I am. Today I had watermelon instead of...ummm...the stale cookies in the pantry, and last night I had oranges even though they tasted really shitty. I think that's because they were a day old when I ate them. Oh well. And I have been eating corn out of the can. It's fantastic. Sadly I am still a fatty moocow so in conjunction with eating healthier, I will be buying bigger clothing. No fail weight loss!

5. My one year anniversary is coming up in December. It sort of hit me suddenly, because I have never been one to dwell on anniversaries, mostly because I find them to be silly and unnecessary. But then again, I have never been with the same person for a year, so this is kind of a big deal. My boyfriend and I love Band of Horses. He bought me the LP for Christmas. "No One's Gonna Love You" is our song. It's dorky, I know. His anniversary present for me, aside from something material (gawwwd I hope he got that hint for new perfume!!!) is tickets to see Band of Horses when they come to the Variety Playhouse in Atlanta. It will be amazing, obvi.

6. On the note of anniversaries, I had a friend in high school who not only discouraged me from getting involved with my boyfriend, but constantly yammered on about her relationship. Her age difference was 4 yrs. Mine was 5. She celebrated anniversaries for each month and bragged to me that her boyfriend did this, her boyfriend said that: "Oh well my boyfriend has a car, yours doesn't, and my boyfriend doesn't smoke around me, but when I saw yours he was smoking and drinking pretty heavily." I never got to say what I wanted back to her because a) I'm not one to brag shit up like that. When good things happen to me, I keep them to myself or tell people who care, and b) we graduated before I could say something. But guess what bitch? My boyfriend is buying a car so he can be the one to pick me up from the airport at Christmastime. And he quit smoking. And he only drinks 2 beers max these days. He's smart, responsible, and likes me for my ass AND my brain, not just because I'm a mindless twat who looks cute because she has the face of a 12 year old, the maturity of a 15 year old, and the conservative judgment of a 40 year old. Well I feel better!

7. Along with the fabulous Mz. Sullivan, Baby Sinead, and the other people in the Top Blogger competition, I am happy to say that I too will be blogging over at Missbehave in the near future. I was afraid to say anything, too worried about jinxing it, but after talking to Shmarah, it is pretty much confirmed.

8. I ordered that uber fab Princess of the Posse sweater today. For Lolita Hazed's pleasure, as well as mine, I will be taking photos of it upon arrival.

9. Apparently, a "fat tire" is a type of beer. I had no idea. I guess it is good? I've never had it, obvi. I'm a microbrew type of girl. Call me elitist and snobby all you want, but Pabst tastes like sewer water and Guinness tastes like rubbing alcohol. Sidenote: don't ever drink Guinness while eating an old doughnut. Obvi you know better, but I did not.

10. I just like even numbers. Oh, and download this song. I'm uber nice and don't mind sharing, so I hooked myself up with a zShare account so I could share this amazingpants song with you guys! It's my favorite track off Neptune City and I love it not only because I happened to hear it when I was stuck in traffic in Hollywood and it fit the scene so perfectly, but also because of the lyrics: "I've been taken too far/ I cracked when I tried to press my luck/ Hoping you would come pick me up" Gawdddd, I so feel like Nicole Atkins gets me.

Ciao!

Deuces,
Erika

Weird Things Erika Says

Anyone who knows me well pretty much knows that aside from very rare ocassions, there is basically no filter from my brain to my mouth. I tend to say anything, anytime, usually for no real reason. I'm thinking of making this a daily feature, since I always say at least one weird thing a day. Maybe, maybe not. But for now, let's take a look back at weird shit I've said in the past.

"You make me so mad I wish I could grow a million fists and then punch you with all of them."

"I didn't pay ten dollars to stare at the backs of dudes' heads, I paid ten dollars to see some naked women!"

"She looked like the grown up version of those scary little pageant girls."

"I'm convinced the place where she used to live didn't have doors, it just had open walkways, because she doesn't know how to close a door without slamming it."

"We're going to the park. Oh, um, nevermind, no we're not. I'm going to commit suicide instead."

"Your toothpaste smells like ham."

"Can you mail me some quarters so I can do my laundry?"

"I don't know the Heinrich Manuever!"

"You choked into my glass of water!"

"Well you could have at least asked me something exciting, like 'Are you hungry?'"

"The dentist was drilling my teeth forever. It sounded like an Animal Collective song."

"Hurricane Ike is a gas killer!"

"That dog is a hypochondriac!"

"I like candy corn. It tastes like sugar and wax."

Deuces,
Erika

I Love When Shows Start Over Again!

So when you're living in hell (ohai, like me!), a few things become your saving grace...i.e. the reasons you don't just bitch all your roommates, trash their rooms, get the cable (that's in your name, obvi) transfered to some nonexistent location, drive off and go live in your car till you can afford to live somewhere else.

For me, they're Homestyle waffles, grape Shasta, powdered doughnuts, Missbehave, text messaging..and TV!

I love television. It gets me through the hard times and gives me something to think about when I'm spacing out in Religious Studies. Plus it's my motivation to come home every night instead of just saying "fuck it" and whittling away my savings at the strip club. (BTW, V I went by the Body Shop today at 5 fucking 30 in the afternoon and it was actually open! Who's in there for the rush hour strip crowd I wonder?)

So, what was I talking about? Oyeah. The telly. And how much I love it. Because I do. But what I love more is when utterly amazing and cool shows get picked up for another season! At the end of each season, I wait for about two months on baited breath, preparing myself for the news that producers didn't sign on for another four or five months. But when that doesn't happen, I get all excited and do a little dance because it means I get to see my favorite shows all over again! But better because they are new!

Now speaking of new shows, here's what's coming up in terms of the new fall seasons of great rehashed TV programming:

Thurs, Sept 18 10:00 pm, FX
It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia: I fucking love this show for a myriad of reasons, but mostly because it's hilarious, unconventional, and they say "shit" a lot! Plus I own all three seasons and since I've already watched them at least 32983840290403 times, I can't wait to see something new from the Paddy's crew! Ohai, and here's this amazing primer video for your perusal. I'm going back to Philly!



Mon, Sept 29 8:00 pm, NBC
Chuck: I never got into this show when it was on NBC but for some reason when Sci-Fi started airing it I was all over this shit like black people on Dallas BBQ. I love it. Chuck is so cute and sweet and I love how he works for the CIA but his day job is at some Best Buy style corporation. Classic. Here's a taste of it, since NBC won't let me embed the video. Weirdos.

Wednesdays 10:00 pm, Bravo
Top Design: So this show actually just started and after what went on last season, I was pretty much expecting all the drama, style, and black lacquer I could handle. Sadly, I can't say that's what's going on right now. But I have high hopes for this season. Mostly due to the addition of British panelist/judge/whatever India Hicks. She wins for coolest name and best accent!



Yay for TV! But, now, let's take a moment to mourn the ongoing loss of I Hate My 30s, one of the most awesome shows ever. The writing was amazing. Plus a non-drag version of Liam Sullivan and a dragged up Kelly were on there. And the coffee shop owner was...um...God? I think?

Deuces,
Erika

I Ain't No Hollaback Boy

Here at the Disco, I would like to think it's my responsibility to bring you lovely ladies and gentlemen nothing but hotness, when and if ever possible. This one is a little old, but even a year after the fact, I can still put this track on in the car and laugh just as hard as I did when I first heard it.

We all know Cobra Starship are demigods. For Chrissake, they have a keytar player! And she's a chick! Plus Gabe Saporta makes wearing tight pants super manly and "Snakes On A Plane (Bring It)" was amazing. It was the sole reason I bought the movie soundtrack...ohai, and the 45 version. Anyway, I heard this song on their Myspace awhile back but I noticed it never really got out. Easily the single which could have launched them into emo/pop/mainstream oblivion and they never did anything with it. So I share this baby with you. Mazel Tov!

This shit is supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!



Deuces,
Erika

The "Real" Real World

Real World is a situation we've been dealing with since way back when. And more recently, College Hill came up as well. Here's the problem: seven good looking kids/adults (depending on what shows you're watching) are living in a nice ass area in a nice ass house, getting some cushy ass jobs. Where's the real?

So this is what I propose. We take seven good looking kids/adults, and build a nice ass house in a badass area. Then let them live in it. With no alarm systems, just baseball bats. And then force them to get jobs with no help, just pens, resumes, and this "natural charm" these kids/adults are supposed to have. Keep them there for three months, videotape it, and let everyone see just how real the world can be.

I'm seeing Real World Inglewood, Real World Bankhead, Real World 4th Ward, Real World Compton...and then College Hill East LA, College Hill Indian Creek...the list can really been endless. As long as there is a hood, there will be a Real World. Hopefully MTV can get that in production right after this season of From G's to Gents is over.

Deuces,
Erika

Life Over At Myspace High

So I kind of hate Myspace. It's really just a way for uber creepy dudes to spam you like crazy and leave way disturbing messages in your inbox talking about your obvious sexiness or DSL-related oddness. It's also a way for any one single person at your school to find you, say some shit, and still remain completely anonymous. Oh yeah, and it's a way for Myspace hoes to fill your bulletin folder with different methods pertaining to fucking them. You know, so you have options.

But lately I have been on Myspace far too much, you know, chatting with people I enjoy chatting with, but I have also been following this ongoing Myspace drama that's been unfolding in the bulletins folder faster than wet origami.

I assume everything started off with a rumor. Some girl is left confused because she doesn't know what was said or what she's accused of doing. Then apparently her "bff" is unforgiving. Fast forward a million "what did I do?" bulletins later. Said "bff" has blocked some girl on Myspace. Some girl changes her screen name to something of the "Oh No You Didn't" variety. She tells the "bff" that she's done kissing ass and that all her "friends" can kick rocks. All of this, of course, is spelled in Lolcatz. Then some girl changes her screen name to a variation of "Fine Fuck You." I assume from that the "friendship" has been e-dissolved.

Confusing? Hilarious.

Oh, and I have been watching a lot of Divorce Court lately. I really need cable.

Deuces,
Erika

Vanessa Hudgens X Sears

Does anybody even shop for clothing at Sears anymore? Last time I checked, it's hella overpriced and the clothes are made for twelve year olds with doting parents. Oh yeah! That is exactly who this commercial is appealing to!



This is also a great representation of...high school, I guess? I remember my first day of freshman year, walking through the double doors in my juniors flared jeans and cute shirt with turtles playing soccer and having to weave through all the pirouetting seniors and the b-boying juniors. I first got offered pot by a sixteen year old tap dancer.

Deuces,
Erika

Boys I Love: Mitch Fatel

WELL, I do really like boys. And I know what they like. They like me. (Anyone catch that reference? Riiiiight...) So I thought I would start a feature that acknowledges the sexy mans I secretly wanna love on. And by love on, I mean lock in a basement, tie to the radiator, free only to have amazing sex con me or create some kind of entertainment in the hopes of being released from my crazy captive clutches, and feed only foods that would ensure their sexiness would never fade (read: Mike & Ike's, chocolate, wine spritzers...).

This post is about Mitch Fatel.

I personally harbor a secret and dangerous ardor towards most any and all comedians. And it doesn't stop at just the men. I have some hetero crushes on a few choice comediennes as well. No homo. But that's not the point.

The point is that you really cannot judge a book by its cover. Or a man by his appearance. Because while Mitch Fatel appears to be socially and physically awkward, and also teetering just on the edge of retardation, this man just may be all that, and more, but he is one of the funniest guys I've seen in a very long time.

Mr. Fatel is an eager bachelor that enjoys panties (on the women, of course), making sure women have an orgasm before he does (for the post sex sandwiches that inevitably follow), but does not enjoy masturbating in the shower (because his legs give out and he rips down the curtain).

He claims to be the leader of the mentally challenged, because he can still cut his own meat, and is sometimes afraid of women during sex because he had one girl that slammed his head against his headboard. Not so with me, Mitch, because I have no headboard. When he dies he wants to tell God that he did a good job when he made vaginas, and compares his enjoyment of doggy-style to a woman's enjoyment of a sunset.

Oh Mitch, you can come live with me in my pleasure palace. I'll pad the walls with bubble wrap and cut your meat for you. As long as you promise to keep me satisfied, I'll keep the egg salad sandwiches coming.



Deuces,
Erika

Girl Toys: Where Are They Now?

You already know about my obsesh with Adult Swim. Thus it should be of no surprise to you that I'm posting these videos. It's fucking adorable. And I desperately need something cute and cuddly to take my mind off cleaning. 'Cos I hate it.

This is almost as rad as the "Berry rude" short. Man, I neeeed some sort of hobby like whoa.

"Girls Toys: Where are they now?"

"Berry Rude"

A-fucking-dorable. Cute overload. Almost.

Deuces,
Erika

Katt Williams!!!

Last night I had the pleasure of watching Katt Williams in his American Hustle movie in the Secret Stash on Comedy Central. (I know that's terrible sentence structure, but as long as this guy isn't reading, I think it'll be cool)

If you didn't know, Secret Stash is like the time when Comedy Central plays a movie or some stand-up special uncensored and uncut. It's prolly the only time I really watch stand-up on CC 'cos I hate all the bleeps they have to throw in on primetime public TV. The best Secret Stash-es have been Comedians of Comedy: Live At The Troubador, Jackass: The Movie, The Roast of Flavor Flav, and of course, Katt Williams American Hustle: The Movie.

Let me just say I love the fuck out of some Katt Williams. He's funny and true and sometimes offensive and dude's perm is on point. I usually refer to him as the Dane Cook for black people. See, white people love Dane Cook. They can't hide from it. Embrace it. Once I was in the living room at my bf's old house and I said, "Oh Dane Cook is on."

At that moment both of his roommates (both white) sprinted from the kitchen, where they were cooking dinner, and plopped down on the couch in front of the TV.

Same with Katt. You can just say, "Ohai Katt Williams is on now." and black people will not even finish using the bathroom, they'll just run out to see him.

Black people don't get Dane Cook. White people don't get Katt Williams. Truce.

This is ONE of my favorite parts of the movie. I can totally relate 'cos when I took my AP tests I listened to this song on the way to the testing center. Black people, you better love this.



Oh and then I stumbled upon this video where this kid pretty much embarrassing himself beyond belief. And thinking he's cool while doing it. It's sad, in a funny way.

Deuces,
Erika