Open Letter To All The Skinny Girls On Campus

Dear Thin Mints,

First of all, you guys have amazing style. No lie. Props where props are do. Your ability to accessorize thrifted mocassins, skinny jeans, and secondhand cashmere sweaters with filmy scarves and doorknockers is nothing to be laughed at. But hmmm. I wonder something every time I see you guys. Does ice water run through your veins? Is there a reason you can rationalize wearing winter wear in the middle of summer? Do you know where you live? The Valley. It's like regular life, if your life was dipped in an active volcano. It's fucking hot. In fact, I get hotter looking at you, wrapped up in your long sleeved button down and knee high boots.

Maybe it is because of your low BMI that heat just breezes right through you. It's no secret that girls with some chub hate summer because it means shorts and tank tops and sweat dripping all over the fat bits...ugh. But what is your excuse? For the sake of this argument, I'm going to reiterate a key point. We live in the Valley. La Valleja, I guess. I dunno, I'm making espanol up off the top of my head. Not the point. But I don't think I've ever been in a store that even sells jackets here. You guys have to be outsourcing this ish. And that just takes time and money your parents don't want to spend.

So do me a favor. Put on a slip, call it a dress, and continue to stare evilly at me. We'll all be feeling better in no time!

Deuces,
Erika