Saturday, September 20, 2008

To Live and Die in LA

I can't afford to live here. I just can't. I should have stayed in Atlanta, moved in with boyfriend, and spent my nights getting blackout drunk with my friends. Every time I look at the price of studio apartments, my eyes water up. 900.00 is a ridicul0us amount to pay for 400 sq ft.

Maybe I am whining. Probably. I don't know anyone to live with. I can't move out of the Valley...I have to be close for school...I don't have a lot of money...I have nowhere to go...I'm living with awful people...My life is one big jumbled mess of problems...I haven't done my laundry for a month because I never have any quarters on me...That is beside the point...I had to be different...I had to get out...Now I have to go back...Thank god the year is almost over...I put too much pressure on myself...I can't use BBM...I can't afford to have the internet turned back on for my BlackBerry...I'm spending my Friday night alone watching Spongebob and listening to old Cat Power...I wish I had my drum set here...It was my best friend and my emotional release...I saw a small acoustic guitar at Target for 56.00 and seriously considered buying it...I tried to learn guitar twice and both times I never got past three chords...Most songs are just three chords though...I wanna start a band and then have my drums Fed-Exed to me...I fucked up my job interview on Wednesday...I guess I have to start over...My roommate told me she didn't have any respect for me this morning...Everything that has happened to me before tonight has turned into a fuzzy memory...I just want to live somewhere else and buy up every 1.00 Saint candle at Wal-Mart...

"Time passes slow. The minutes stand still. Don't want to look, but know that I will. I hate the moon, when the night has hurt you so bad, that it's killed every day that you have, and it's left your heart heavy and somber."
- the Chapin Sisters, "I Hate the Moon"



bite size labella said...

OMG im soo sorry I wish I could just give you a big hug and a bunch of mulah so you do not have to deal with crazy people..they say these things make us stronger but it still sucks when we grow through these things...atleast this situation your in is temporary and soon it will be over...we all need a redo sometimes.....and ur roomie she needs a punch in the face and a deadbolt...scratch that one of those zapper knobs that gives her a shock of electricity when she touches its.....well here is a virtual hug......................BAMN!.......... :o)

Valentina said...

I'm sorry E. I wish I could offer you any words of comfort but right now I'm completely miserable and feel like crying. My "friends" are going to go out soon and get high and come back laughing and happy and I'm probably just going to want to die. I hate California. I just want to go back to NY and be happy.

Mz.Sullivan said...

That ish just makes you stronger G. These are lessons learned early in life. Sometimes you can't follow the glitz and glamor. You have to create it yourself. You are smart and talented enough to create a hustle. Challenges are fun, and luckily you are young enough to fuck up, and do it all over. Plus its a recession too. So everything is extra hard.