Wednesday, June 18, 2008

I Fixed My Clock

I don't like transitional periods. They pretty much suck ass. It's like sitting in purgatory. You don't know if the sitch is gonna get better or drastically worse.

A while back, there was a storm and my power went out while I was out with my cousins. My bathroom clock blinked 9:16 for an indescribable amount of time. I was starting to get used to it. I measured time by whatever it read on the clock. I didn't know what time it really was. When I took a shower at 5:29 (real time, perhaps around 10 am), I tried to finish before 5:40. I was comfortable with not actually knowing the real time.

I cleaned my room. No longer am I wading in a sea of dirty clothing, magazines, dishes, and nail polish. My floor is visible, my clothes are hung up, the magazines are back on the shelves. The calendar finally went from May to June. It's uncomfortable.

After that I fixed my clock. It says the correct time now. This morning while I was brushing my teeth I looked at it and was actually expecting it so say something random like 4:26. But it just said 12:30. I felt disappointed.

It's almost like I am more comfortable in chaos and disarray. Because while it's hella messy, at least I know where things are, how they should be, why they're there. When things are how they should be, I almost feel as if my life is too normal. It makes me disoriented.

Right now things are too normal. I feel like I am stuck in purgatory. Something is going to happen. I don't know what, but I can feel it.

At least while my life is this clean.