Saturday, July 5, 2008

Friends...But Not The TV Show, The People

I really need friends. I'm not gonna front like before I moved to ATL, I had a shit ton of friends, 'cos I didn't. They were all flighty sort of friends that you hung out with and whose houses you slept over and walked to and from school with, but never really connected with. Those girls would ditch you for the popular kids and pretend not to know you if everyone else was doing it.

In fact, when I came to Atlanta, I made more friends than I'd ever had. But they all, in turn, spurned me and left me sad and lost. Somehow I kept fucking up my friendships. It had to have been me, right? That's how I used to see it. They were so much more perfect than me. I had to be the one who was saying and doing the wrong things.

Some girls stayed in my life longer than others, but eventually, they all got filtered out of it, either by some out of hand fight, moving, or just drifting apart.

High school was kind of different. Granted, I faced a lot of bitches, but I thought I had three real friends. Of course, like all girls, they were a lot to handle. One was a chronic liar, one had an eating disorder, and one lived in a perpetual state of childishness. I tried again. I got a spoiled brat, a chick that didn't even have a driver's license in senior year, and a dude that thought women couldn't be rappers. (But he was also the perfect candidate to be a domestic abuser, so we won't go into that.)

In other words, I've never been able to find good, strong friends. I've never had that "tell me anything, I won't judge you, I'll just listen and give you good advice" kind of relationship. I used to spend hours on end telling my mom my problems, but there's only so far you can go with parents, y'know?

I definitely don't have issues making friends. I make friends on the internet, at shows, at the grocery store, blah fucking blah. I have trouble making friends I can hang with outside said internet, shows, grocery stores. People who I can just call and say, "Hey, I'm getting pizza, you down?" and they will actually respond, "Fuck yeah! Meet you there in fifteen." I've never had that.

Well the BBQ yesterday just reminded me of how few real friends I have, since they were all my bf's friends, and not mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing things by myself. But there's a limit. I was trying to tell this to my bf last night, but he just said, "Dude, if I sat around all day like you, I would just drive anywhere and just walk around."

Sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes it kinda hurts to walk somewhere by yourself and see people walking and laughing and having fun and NOT BEING HIT ON BY CREEPY DUDES THAT LIKE TO HIT ON CHICKS THAT ARE ALONE, cause that ish is starting to make me crazy. Still, sometimes you want someone to spill your soul to, besides your dog.



Jtalk said...

Aw Erika this post makes me sad If I lived near you I would deff be the friend who would get pizza with you. I love pizza! Plus I like to listen to people talk about their problems and give advice thats what I do the most with my friends since they always have guy drama and I don't... I have like 6 friends that I hang out with all the time and can tell anything to their more like sisters then friends though there are always times when I wish I had more friends cause no matter what people get bored I have allot of friends just not allot of hangout friends and it sucks when all of them are busy and your just in your room in your bed with your laptop like i do most of the time haha oh btw alone again naturally is one of your labels I don't know if you knew that its the title a really good song from the virgin suicides movie sound track yeah… I also know random bits of information i guess that also makes me a good friend...

Erika said...

Thanks. Glad to know SOMEONE would get some 'za with me! Yeah, that song "Alone Again, Naturally" came out a long time ago, but I remember it. I just want like one person who will like, always be there, no questions asked. Like that's how I was for my old friends and I never had that kind of compassion or consideration or caring returned and it hurt. A friend like me would be nice.

alex said...

When I moved to New York I left behind the 3 realest friends I've EVER had. And I'm already a shut down type of girl..I do stuff on my own but these past 2 years I've been here, I've seriously craved the type of friendships I had with my best friends back home. I've got friends but, its really just not the same. And everyone tells me if I would just open up it would be easier for me but, idk. I'm still living in the past, I guess.

People don't get me all the time and if your not worth it, I won't bother explaining.

I have all these dudes that I'm really good friends with but then times come where i hate all men except Jesus and my Dad and talking to a dude about how some guy broke your heart just doesn't always work. And they also don't do well with the monthly leakage issues, either.

My solution thus far has been to leave and go see my friends. HAHA. I run away, it's great. Last summer to LA, and this summer to TX. My bank account loves it!

So I feel you; I'm also in need of a couple of really good female friends. In close proximity, lol.

bite size labella said...

OMG girl I soo freakin hear ya!! I moved to GA from FL like in jan(I know im crazy) I actually moved up here to help out my mom...well I left my life in FL, like all I freakin do is work and sleep and it sucks hell cause I live in the sticks..thankfully my bf and his sis moved up here but still yet im suffering from a mild case of closet say all that to say that maybe its like an epidemic that when we get older finding friends (near us) is harder than knitting a quilt in a week(ok kinda corny) but really I really know how ya feel and I live in GA(Lawrenceville) but hey if u ever wanna down..:o)..

Erika said...

Thanks girl. It's bad enough there's nothing to do in Atlanta, but I mean, finding friends that will like drop everything in a heartbeat and wanna have fun is kinda hard. But you don't live out in the sticks! I went to HS near L'Ville. It's pretty boring though, so I understand. Maybe sometime we can like get some pizza and I won't be the only broad in Lil 5 Points hanging with herself. :(

Mz.Sullivan said...

Damn....I am glad I am not alone. Wow. What the fuck is going on in todays society? Everyone I know wants to be in love...its all about a man, not a friend. I want a girlfriend too, that I can just call without any problems.

bite size labella said...

we should def hang maybe one day after work when im closer to downtown!! :0) I guess we'll figure out details laterz :o)

Erika said...

yeah! definitely!