Friends...But Not The TV Show, The People

I really need friends. I'm not gonna front like before I moved to ATL, I had a shit ton of friends, 'cos I didn't. They were all flighty sort of friends that you hung out with and whose houses you slept over and walked to and from school with, but never really connected with. Those girls would ditch you for the popular kids and pretend not to know you if everyone else was doing it.

In fact, when I came to Atlanta, I made more friends than I'd ever had. But they all, in turn, spurned me and left me sad and lost. Somehow I kept fucking up my friendships. It had to have been me, right? That's how I used to see it. They were so much more perfect than me. I had to be the one who was saying and doing the wrong things.

Some girls stayed in my life longer than others, but eventually, they all got filtered out of it, either by some out of hand fight, moving, or just drifting apart.

High school was kind of different. Granted, I faced a lot of bitches, but I thought I had three real friends. Of course, like all girls, they were a lot to handle. One was a chronic liar, one had an eating disorder, and one lived in a perpetual state of childishness. I tried again. I got a spoiled brat, a chick that didn't even have a driver's license in senior year, and a dude that thought women couldn't be rappers. (But he was also the perfect candidate to be a domestic abuser, so we won't go into that.)

In other words, I've never been able to find good, strong friends. I've never had that "tell me anything, I won't judge you, I'll just listen and give you good advice" kind of relationship. I used to spend hours on end telling my mom my problems, but there's only so far you can go with parents, y'know?

I definitely don't have issues making friends. I make friends on the internet, at shows, at the grocery store, blah fucking blah. I have trouble making friends I can hang with outside said internet, shows, grocery stores. People who I can just call and say, "Hey, I'm getting pizza, you down?" and they will actually respond, "Fuck yeah! Meet you there in fifteen." I've never had that.

Well the BBQ yesterday just reminded me of how few real friends I have, since they were all my bf's friends, and not mine. Don't get me wrong, I don't mind doing things by myself. But there's a limit. I was trying to tell this to my bf last night, but he just said, "Dude, if I sat around all day like you, I would just drive anywhere and just walk around."

Sometimes it's not that easy. Sometimes it kinda hurts to walk somewhere by yourself and see people walking and laughing and having fun and NOT BEING HIT ON BY CREEPY DUDES THAT LIKE TO HIT ON CHICKS THAT ARE ALONE, cause that ish is starting to make me crazy. Still, sometimes you want someone to spill your soul to, besides your dog.

Deuces,
Erika