Guestblogger: Sociability & Me

Summer has always seemed to me like an unspoken social test. With all that freedom, what do you do? Who do you call? Or do you wait to be called to keep others from knowing how totally bored you are? Summer seems to kinda work like this for me.

I have personally never been big on the social front. I'm awkward, I think in a complicated branch system (which I didn't even know until my sister, who totally has ESP, told me) and I prefer being alone. I like to do what I want to, when I want to. I'm a natural loner and suck ass at making small talk. Most people and I don't click because I am a very weird person, and I'll admit it pretty proudly.
As most of you ladies here know, high school sucks. But there's a great time somewhere in those hellish four years that kids develop a talent of really starting to understand flaws around them. This happened to me a few summers ago, and I started to notice that people I obeyed were not always right, and your peers are not always real.
A few days ago I saw a post Valentina wrote about her feelings toward Brooklyn hipsters and it definitely struck a chord. Some of the people I choose to spend time with don't always feel like they're being genuine, and a lot of the time it seems they're trying to impress some invisible judge. I just don't get it. So because of this, I don't know how a lot of my so-called friends really feel about me. So there are two categories of said people in my life: some of these people I avoid, and those I spend time with, but don't invest much in to refrain from hurting myself. For instance, I thought about a friend I'm always with. I wondered if, given the choice to choose between me and what she thought was no doubt the coolest thing in the world, she would choose me. She's a self-proclaimed "indie kid" (*shudder*), so I thought, 'I doubt it' and put her into my latter category. This has been leading me to a bad case of disillusionment with people in general and a desire to get out of town and go to college.
But you know, it's nights like these that make me remember why I care about the people who give and get my love. I don't have a cavalcade of great friends-- I could probably count them on both hands, I'd say. And the ones I have are fantastic and get me, and I get them. They are real, so I don't really ever doubt their character. I'm anything but a social butterfly, but I'm lucky enough to ladies that I work with, and it's awesome.

I feel sorry for people who have to doubt their friends. I hope I head to a college where I don't have to. I'll probably pay extra and room alone, anyway. Fish and roomies stink in three days.

If you can't tell, I'm socially ambivalent. I take my free time like the temperature-- if it's too hot, I need something cool. If it's too cold, I need heat. I'm socially picky.

Anyone else like this?

Your antisocial amiga,
Y Sarah

P.S. If you can figure out what the picture's from, I'll give you a... picture. Of a cookie. A really good cookie.